Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.

Did you ever get to read Sex at Dawn? I think reading and applying it will really truly make Nicole’s words have their evolutionary, biological and social and spiritual context… because it discusses so many times how it is cultures where WOMEN are able to be sexually free, to be playful and flirtatious, also where women can be openly sexual and have zero shame in taking their NATURAL need to desire and be desired… that’s when cultures thrive, when hunger is not an issue, where men and women alike, in both humans and bonobos, are provided for and where social order is maintained. While his primary argument is about monogamy, in every case where society is thriving, FEMALES are empowered and ultimately in control of their sexuality, also able to arouse men and even reward them–with polygamous exchanges with other wives, for instance–for literally addressing physical hunger (hunting, that is). While Nicole speaks of sexual hunger, the need to connect is as clear in our need to connect sexually AND to connect with such basics as food; from sharing nursing duties to sharing food to sharing sexual pleasure, ultimately, we thrive when we connect. Now, we’re elevated to sharing things far more aesthetically oriented, sure, but even in sharing art and science, we’re ultimately always trying to come back to our most primitive, basic needs and desires. Advancement in industrial/scientific/artistic fields is geared at an external way of being happier, more at peace, fulfilled inside and out… but what we’re scared to admit is that drugs and art and gadgets, while being able to aid in our quest for fulfillment, are very poor, piss-poor, substitutes for another human being or even several humans filling our many tastes, our many wants. We love a variety of foods, art styles, etc… yet we insist on one person being everything… makes no sense.

What she discusses with the “your labia are coral…” part is so fundamental to primates–females DO become vibrant red when they are aroused, and to revisit that idea (of when *WE* as females are hot, bothered, and frantic for sexual connection) is something we have to RETURN to as a society. The strange thing personally is that I have always EXPECTED to be fascinating and unique and pleased (and always have been by partners, from my first through my most recent)… I’ve been horribly put off by men seeking their own wants. Maybe that’s why detail-oriented nerds/artists are all I’m lustful about, men who literally find my organs beautiful, my taste delectable, my scent irresistible when I’m both aroused and, even more so when I’m pleased… people who are in tune with that are the ones who are dangerous for me; the rest are “meh” to “ughhh” so they pose no threat. Funny enough, this picky nature made some less in-tune people call me a prude. Sure, STDs and such are a huge concern so I don’t just go swinging with anyone, but for the one in particular who thought me prudish yet listened when I said “LEARN” how to kiss me and touch me etc… he figured out the delicate gentle and too-pure persona was, while still genuine, only a tiny piece. Best sex of HIS life and the only person he really FELL for and called his GF; the rest, his early to bed and eager to please (without being insistent on being pleased) were no challenge and got very quickly, well, boring. I think the partners really miss out when THEY aren’t engaged, too! If a female becomes an object, something that is serving a role/purpose, fulfilling a duty, they are quick to tune out of their OWN duties. I’ve never had anyone NOT take it slow because I’ve never given the opportunity. When I had to–for school–be a sex therapist for half a year, that was probably the top advice I ever gave… and even then, I was a virgin (a virgin who’d had plenty of orgasms, but still a virgin by standard definitions or even “oral included” ones). I blame (meaning I thank!) my mom giving me sex education books when I was 7-10 and my neighbor for teaching me when I was 5 or so where my parts were–no shame, just 2 kids playing happily together with a “never tell parents” agreement once we left the woods, clothing intact. Sex is taken WAY too seriously. It’s only a serious matter when it is done for the wrong reasons and/or without the right preparations be the prep maturity or condoms or a dozen other things!