Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.

The Pervocracy: On Eating Our Own
April 13, 2011, 12:18 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

Once again, The Pervocracy, a much more prolific blogger than I, says what I’ve been thinking in a far more articulate manner.

On Eating Our Own.

“Here’s something I’m still conflicted about: finding a statement that is basically feminist, basically accepting, but has some flaws, and tearing it to fucking shreds.


If someone is 98% on your side, you know what? Cut them some slack. Otherwise you might have to actually deal with the people who aren’t on your side at all. They’re a whole lot meaner.”

I’m very much inclined to agree. I’m all for civilised debate, it’s really important, but it seems like the feminist world is full to the brim of people who will get absolutely hysterical at someone simply for using the wrong word or saying something in the wrong way. I’m forever stumbling across feminist bloggers, for instance, who love ripping right into Dan Savage and speaking about him as if he is pure evil. While I agree that he says some pretty damn stupid things sometimes… he also does and says some really great things. So why are we wasting so much time and energy on him and not, I don’t know, the Catholic fucking Church and people who want us dead?

I mean, yeah it’s good to call people out on the stupid things they say, that’s how people learn, that’s how dialogue gets more sophisticated. However, you don’t need to instantly relegate someone to enemy just because you aren’t in 100% agreement with them. The world is not so black and white and us verses them attitudes are dangerous, counter-productive and just plain childish.

It’s the in-fighting that bothers me so much. The bloggers who spend all their time picking apart the arguments made by other bloggers who are essentially on their side, the feminist, “I’m more right, moral and inclusive than you!” screaming matches. I’ve had friends tell me it puts them off the feminist world and frankly, sometimes it alienates me too.

I’ll probably always be feminist… but I wish there was just a little more respect and camaraderie because frankly, sometimes it feels like you have to walk a fucking gauntlet before being let into the club and even then, there are booby traps around every corner.

Yes you probably have a point with whatever argument you’re making and that is not the problem, it’s simply the respect and remembering that we can’t get it 100% right 100% of the time. We’re all on different paths, all looking at things from our own unique perspective with our own unique background. If someone’s doing their best to be a good, decent person then when they fuck up from time to time, give them a bloody break because at some point, you’re going to fuck up too.


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[…] was reading a post on Feminism-Art-Porn-Sex which leads me to The Pervocracy blog with both posts relating to the topic of: “… but […]

Pingback by I see what you did there and I don’t like it. « A Smile Like The Sun.

Don’t bother your pretty little head, I mean don’t let those people bother you if you can help it. I think there’s a video where Dan says “don’t attack me I’m on your side, save that for someone who hates you.”

I agree with you I think it’s good advice for everyone when we care about something sometimes passionately to keep an eye on our emotional state and not let anger run away and fuck things up around us.

Comment by Jake

I’m friends with all sorts of people… and lest I turn away friendship from sixty percent of westernized folk, plenty are to some degree or another bearers of religious faiths that I am not a follower of… were I to go where I was surrounded by tribalism or Islam, I’d be about as out of place as with Christians, only I’d LOOK out of place (Buddhism is another story).

Recently, a friend of mine named Cody posted a video about an erotica author Judy Mays… she was his high school English teacher, has published the writing fifteen years, the teaching about thirty. Internet being what it is, it finally–despite plenty of kids and parents knowing and not caring one bit–got into the wrong hands.

He got thousands of views and most all were 100% go Judy…. then came videos by a couple of erotica authors who, of course, instead of being like “WTF HELL YEAH Thanks for bringing it to the forefront, go Judy!!” what did they fixate on? This one statement he made, as he is a Christian waiting til marriage and all that jazz, about how while he didn’t condone the behaviors of the characters in plenty of erotica (polygamy, bestiality, etc), he 100% supported her right to write what she damn well pleases and further went on to kick down all the bored moms who had to make a stink about how under a pen name this lady writing about sex ooh aah sexxxx…. how clearly she must think about their kids “in that way” when she looks at them–she doesn’t write about pedophilia, geez… his way of putting it was something to the effect of “If she’s looking at your kid, it’s to tell them to sit down and shut up.”

So because someone isn’t into polygamy or robot sex and alien abduction leading to squirting all around–and face it, a lot of people aren’t no matter their age and background–they had to go into scornful mockery with the “Oh, we are glad she’s getting support, but if you’re not into it, let me tell you [why you should be because I am]” and in another more blunt and hateful case, “to whoever says they support her but don’t condone the behaviors in the books, grow the fuck up and get laid.”

My argument to both of them reminded me of this… because I told them that the commentary needed to end one word before “but.” There IS no but–you thank people for supporting a cause and SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR SUPERIORITY OF MORE FEM AND MORE PORNIGRAPHIC AND MORE JUICY AND SAUCY AND DUHRRRTY. *that last capitalized b it is a rant to a friend, not the part I bitchslapped them with directly.

So yeah, stop before “but.” Why? Because when you become divisive you DRIVE MORE SUPPORT AWAY. You don’t win people over to your cause by bitching that they’re ONLY 100% supportive of her right to write what makes her happy… I pointed out the obvious (to me), “Support is support.” *actually that part WAS likely in all caps. I think it takes a much better person to put differences ASIDE and stand up for what is fundamentally right than to dig heels in and say my way or the mother fucking highway, which unfortunately every “radical” group–from radical Islam to hyper-feminism to neo-Nazis and more–makes itself so exclusionary on purpose that bridges are burned before the moderates can say, “Let’s agree to disagree about trivialities, alright? We’ve got a bigger cause to rise to.”

I know how important it is for the outspoken to exist. I LOVE FCKH8 in all their glitzy glam HOTness… but I also know that while those exist to strengthen the weak, a lot–heck of a lot–more people have to be the calmer ones extending compassion first, reason next, and a gentle prompt last… because you can’t win a 65 year lifelong Christian old who’s been brainwashed into thinking gay is wrong or premarital sex is wrong… unless they see you as an ally and friend and ALREADY trust you. They don’t yet know–because we (scholars we, meaning very few at all so you have to really dig to find it) literally have only comprehended it a couple decades tops–“gay” as was cursed is in fact a mistranslation… its roots mean PEDAGASTY in Aramaic (Jesus’ language), and thankfully a few top notch scholars–the very few whose native or near native language is Aramaic but who are linguists ie George Lamsa–are exposing where corruption has caused a pretty decent set of guidelines which were REALLY rather important when they were written (when you fit it into the post-ag model of, say, Sex at Dawn and further explore the development of the middle east, it makes perfect sense why monogamy became a default… but that said, cheating wasn’t seen as the same ages ago; our “gay” in the bible is in fact the Roman system of old creepers mentoring young dewy minors with sex favors aplenty… So yeah, I’m all for protecting prepubescent kids. I’m all for educating with calm careful wording because to say “it wasn’t consensual partnering of same-sex folks they said no to” is to already, even in the most calm ways possible, mindfuck a lot of people. Gotta meet in the middle and build bridges. Only 10% of those folks’ kids will be gay, and less will be out if taught it’s wrong, so it’s a huge deal that Jews and Catholics and such are bit by bit (here at least) being spokespeople for human rights despite a history of exclusiveness and extremes.

Anyway, good post. Sorry to ramble so much. The stuff with Judy, btw, blew over and the school said rightfully it has nothing to do with her professional career and she has never warranted a write-up. I mean, her name is Buranich or something to that effect. She goes by Mays on book–snoopy bored moms need to get a life. I sometimes think the ones who have the most energy for hate (hate takes SO much energy!! Love’s pretty easy) likewise need to be the ones ACTUALLY getting laid instead of tossing out claims that others–why so much time to waste on strangers, right?–need to get fucked or grow up etc. So frustrating. I hope more people will become the calm advocates we need and save their adrenaline for real danger, which isn’t someone on the “other” side agreeing with you despite all your differences. Passion is a bugger.

Comment by Laura (Seattle)

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