Once again, The Pervocracy, a much more prolific blogger than I, says what I’ve been thinking in a far more articulate manner.
“Here’s something I’m still conflicted about: finding a statement that is basically feminist, basically accepting, but has some flaws, and tearing it to fucking shreds.
If someone is 98% on your side, you know what? Cut them some slack. Otherwise you might have to actually deal with the people who aren’t on your side at all. They’re a whole lot meaner.”
I’m very much inclined to agree. I’m all for civilised debate, it’s really important, but it seems like the feminist world is full to the brim of people who will get absolutely hysterical at someone simply for using the wrong word or saying something in the wrong way. I’m forever stumbling across feminist bloggers, for instance, who love ripping right into Dan Savage and speaking about him as if he is pure evil. While I agree that he says some pretty damn stupid things sometimes… he also does and says some really great things. So why are we wasting so much time and energy on him and not, I don’t know, the Catholic fucking Church and people who want us dead?
I mean, yeah it’s good to call people out on the stupid things they say, that’s how people learn, that’s how dialogue gets more sophisticated. However, you don’t need to instantly relegate someone to enemy just because you aren’t in 100% agreement with them. The world is not so black and white and us verses them attitudes are dangerous, counter-productive and just plain childish.
It’s the in-fighting that bothers me so much. The bloggers who spend all their time picking apart the arguments made by other bloggers who are essentially on their side, the feminist, “I’m more right, moral and inclusive than you!” screaming matches. I’ve had friends tell me it puts them off the feminist world and frankly, sometimes it alienates me too.
I’ll probably always be feminist… but I wish there was just a little more respect and camaraderie because frankly, sometimes it feels like you have to walk a fucking gauntlet before being let into the club and even then, there are booby traps around every corner.
Yes you probably have a point with whatever argument you’re making and that is not the problem, it’s simply the respect and remembering that we can’t get it 100% right 100% of the time. We’re all on different paths, all looking at things from our own unique perspective with our own unique background. If someone’s doing their best to be a good, decent person then when they fuck up from time to time, give them a bloody break because at some point, you’re going to fuck up too.
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