Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.


Gentleman Handling

Here’s a new, very beautiful and very sexy website that I’m incredibly excited to tell you about! It’s the first commercial venture from Sensate Films, a new erotica production company which has been put together by two incredible ladies who I am privileged to be friends with, Aven Frey and Gala Vanting.

The website is gentlemanhandling.com

“What we’ve made here, really, is a lovely place to watch moving images of male masturbation. GentlemanHandling attempts to strip the image of male sexual pleasure from its less-than-savoury pornographic contexts and situate it in a style of imagemaking that is honest, attentive, and reverent. In our years of experience in the pornosphere, we’ve found that men have just as much to lose as other genders from the dishonesty and superficiality of mass-produced sexual imagery. So we’ve taken up the project of presenting our contributors in a manner that highlights their human-ness, their individual sexual style. Self-pleasure is a deeply personal thing and is often glossed over or neglected in mainstream sexual media. We’re trying to take steps to change that.” ~ http://gentlemanhandling.com/public/main.php?page=about

As someone who has seen many of the films produced for the website (fuck yeah sneak previews!), I can say in all honestly that they are beautifully filmed, sensitively edited,  incredibly gorgeous, raw, powerful and most importantly, intensely sexy. Gala and Aven also have a talent for finding immensely attractive but diverse men who all have a real presence in front of the camera and seem really comfortable in their skin and sexuality.

I truly believe that this project is onto a very, very good thing. Watching these beautiful men indulging in self pleasure, seeing their face as they get lost in their own senses… well, for me it was as good as looking at a beautiful painting – a beautiful painting that made me need to take a cold shower afterwards. There were moments during some of the films when I gasped, there were moments when I felt my face getting hot, there were moments when I even felt a little sad because male sexuality is every bit as rich, varied, beautiful and sexy as its female equivalent but it has been neglected for so long, considered crude, ugly, base.

Gentleman Handling gives male sexuality the attention and respect it deserves. So fuck yeah to that!

Go check the website out, watch the preview video I posted at the top of this entry, subscribe if you want to see beautiful men masturbate and spread the word if you want to support new, ground-breaking, beautiful and ethical porn. Seriously, they only just released the website so you get to say “Oh yeah, I knew about that before it was famous!”



My Gaze
March 17, 2012, 3:26 am
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Wow, it has been a long time since I’ve done a decent update here. Over a year later, I am still struggling with my RSI and am now resigned to the fact that this is not an injury that heals quickly as there is no exact cure, rather treatment is a gradual process and can take a very long time. Part of learning to properly deal with an injury is to accept it and as part of that acceptance, I have finally started to train myself to use voice dictation software which I am gradually becoming more comfortable with. This blog entry is actually being written in Dragon Dictation so I apologise if the tone is a little strange, I’m still getting used to doing this.

To be honest, my injury has had a hugely negative impact on my self-esteem as I have spent a great deal of time feeling helpless and useless. Unfortunately, my poor self-esteem has also manifested itself in my body image and it’s been a long time since I felt really sexy or attractive. Like most women, my body does not match current ideals of beauty and as such I often struggle to feel comfortable in my own skin at the best of times but lately I just feel… utterly undesirable.

Tonight I was feeling especially bad about myself, my body, everything. Then I remembered something a friend said to me the other night “it’s like the way you see yourself is completely different to how everybody else sees you”. My bad habit is usually to instantly brush off compliments or reassurances from those who care about me, believing them to be saying it just to make me feel better… However, tonight I wondered if I could try to see myself with fresh eyes, less critical eyes and then I thought of my camera.

When I am using my camera, I look at things in a new way and this also applies to my body. I was not happy when I was taking these photos but I felt a sort of intensity viewing them afterwards… an almost erotic appreciation of myself that I have not experienced in a long time. Yes, I still find myself being incredibly critical of my percieved flaws but framed by the camera lens and put into the context of “art”, I can rediscover the beauty in those “imperfections”.

It’s almost 3AM here and I’m having trouble expressing myself in words so I’m simply going to share some of the photos and perhaps they might communicate something of the experience I went through taking them tonight.

Tonight I confronted myself in the mirror and in the camera… Tonight I am realising that I really do need to learn how to be less cruel to myself.

(By the way, in the slideshow the photos seem to be compressed but if you click “permalink” it will take you to a high quality image.)



The Pervocracy – Sex Pozzie
October 26, 2011, 10:20 am
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

Most critics of sex-positive feminism have not bothered to figure out what sex-positivity is.

It’s not the giggling, hair-twirling exclamation of “it’s feminist to be sexayyy!”  It’s really not.  I’m not going to defend that strawman.  (I also think it’s funny how often I get accused of being a Hooters-girl-bot, when I’m about the least Hooters-looking-person ever.)

Nor is it the demand that everyone be sexy or have sex.  Nor is it the claim that everything that involves sex is beyond criticism.  Nor is it the suggestion that sex will fix all the problems of feminism.

Instead, sex-positivity is the belief that sex and sexiness are… okay.  It’s the belief that people shouldn’t be judged by the sex they have.  It’s the belief that consent matters and social norms do not.  It’s the belief that porn and erotica are valid media of expression (not that the current porn industry is hunky-dory, cause it’s not) and that sex work ought to be just work (not that it currently is).  It’s the belief that neither “slut” nor “prude” should be an insult.  It’s the belief that every sexual and gender identity is valid.

Sex-positivity is, in a nutshell, the belief in sexual freedom as a key component of women’s freedom and of having a better world in general.

If you want to argue with that belief, we can talk.  But if you want to argue with “everyone should be a Hooters girl because showing men your boobies is like totally the most feministical choice!” you’re not really arguing with me.  I just think that I’m in no position to judge Hooters girls or assume that they’re dimwits, sexists, or helpless victims because of what they do for a living.

Read the entire article here. 

Because I’m still struggling with my RSI and cannot write much, I really like some of the stuff on The Pervocracy blog because her opinions are often reasonably similar to mine.



Dirty Deeds Sexuality and Agency in Commodity Culture
September 20, 2011, 1:42 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , ,

If you’re based in Melbourne, come along tomorrow and see this free seminar. A very good friend of mine will be talking at it so I know it’s gonna be great!



Next Wave, A Sex Worker Manifesto
September 2, 2011, 2:50 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

Annabelle Xaah – Next Wave, A Sex Worker Manifesto.

Really fascinating and well worth a listen. I really enjoy the whole Red Umbrella Diaries podcast series, a whole lot of stories from sex workers from many different walks in life.



Blue Girl
June 4, 2011, 10:58 pm
Filed under: Art, Porn, Sex | Tags: , ,

Just a quickie done in Artrage, a program I’ve been having fun with recently.



Resigned and Face
February 7, 2011, 9:12 am
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok, I’m still not writing much right now as I’m still recovering from my wrist problems which, as it turns out, are tendonitis and mild carpal tunnel. However, I want to make a few small updates.

First of all, after almost two years working as a video editor for “ethical erotica” producers, Feck, I have resigned. Despite some issues, I had a good run there. I learned a lot of valuable skills from some very talented ladies, not to mention had my views on sexuality, porn specifically, expanded and made far more complex.

Perhaps I will write about this someday when I am a bit less in the midst of it and can get my thoughts straight. But, ultimately, I am grateful to have been part of such an unconventional workplace and to have met the amazing people that work there. By working for Feck, I feel like I was peripherally part of something historically important that will influence a whole new generation of ethical, thoughtful, artistic pornographers. Or something.

I still intend to continue with this blog and to participate in the online world of sex positive, feminist ramblings and porn making in whatever capacity I can. Exactly how this will all play out, I am currently unsure.

In other news, if you’re living in Australia, tune into ABC1 this Tuesday at 10:05PM for Face (otherwise I believe the film will be available for online viewing at a later date). Directed by one of my former workmates, Face is a documentary about Feck’s Beautiful Agony project which was founded by the talented and awesome, Lauren Olney (who I hope doesn’t mind me pimping her blog here! Her photography is intimidatingly excellent!)

“Face is a kaleidoscopic documentary – a singular portrait made up of many faces – which delves into the private and public worlds of everyday human sexuality. The focus is on the people involved in Beautiful Agony, an ever-expanding collaborative art project that collates self-portraiture video recordings of orgasm faces. (…)

Face allows the audience a voyeuristic glimpse into the lives of people who have consciously chosen to push their personal boundaries and share that experience with others. It is a thought provoking study that delicately unfolds the layers of this enigmatic subject and invites the audience to consider their own place in the picture.”

Sounds awesome, eh? From the article here.

The show will be followed by a live web chat for one hour from 10.30pm here. Should be good!

Edit: Ok, no more updates for a few more weeks, all that typing is causing pain again. Yowza.

Edit Again! Turns out a certain somebody’s face (Mine! Duh!)  is going to appear in a re-edited version of the doco. I’ll let y’all know if it becomes available online.



Cornflake Wank and Poetry – Very NSFW
January 3, 2011, 12:07 am
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This is possibly the most explicit thing I’ve posted here yet and was actually a quick submission I made for a zine.  I don’t know if I really like it but I thought I’d put it out there as this blog is a little inactive while I’m working on stuff for this project and entertaining my mother while she’s visiting from overseas. It’s pretty confronting to put this sort of thing up on the internet for a myriad of reasons – from fear of slut stigma, unwanted creepy attention, to fear of being viewed as “gross” or simply an attention hog. Still, I try never to let those things stop me from doing stuff so here goes.

 

While I’m randomly sharing stuff, here’s a “poem” of sorts that I wrote awhile back about my first (and currently only, though hopefully that won’t be a forever thing!) sexual encounter with another woman.  I am not, by any means, a poet but sometimes I like to play with words and I thought this was… well, not great but OK.  It’s been sitting around on my computer for yonks so I figured I’d finally share it.

Girl/Girl

It’s

pretty seedy
small town
really

her 21st and
this is my first
vodka and coke

now she’s
holding my hair my
head in the toilet

classy

and later

in bed
best friends
I miss him but
I kiss her and

I taste I touch

her soft her curved
her mild wet warm
her open gentle

my drunk

I fall asleep

fuck.

So yeah, I’m pretty lame. Didn’t hold my alcohol well back then and I still don’t now!



Camera Whore – A Prelude
November 29, 2010, 10:58 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

About a month back, my partner was away for the night with the lovely R and I was home alone. Though I’m relatively regular in my masturbatory habits, this was the first time in quite a while that I had the house to myself for the entire night and, uh, I wanked for about four hours straight. Towards the end of it, I was incredibly dizzy and my head was pounding. I was sure that if I came again, I might just pass out but I just had to have one… last… orgasm.

So it was 3AM, my room was a mess, my bed was covered in junk and… I squirted all over it. Though I’ve squirted many times before, this time I felt compelled to document the evidence so I grabbed my camera.

I then photographed myself in my dishevelled but still entirely dressed state (by myself, I often masturbate clothed but for my underwear). While doing this, I rediscovered an intimate feeling I’ve not had with the camera for a couple of years as my image making aesthetic has moved towards the more staged and dramatic.

For me, looking at a photo of myself is a world apart from looking at myself in the mirror. In the mirror, I am looking at me. In a photo, I am seeing me as somebody else. This can be confronting and distressing but sometimes it is refreshing, revealing and even erotic.

I wasn’t originally going to post the two photos in this blog entry because they felt a little too intimate, maybe even a bit “gross” for some of my friends to see my wet patch and bedroom hair! But for me there is a common thing which I enjoy in making my art, my porn in my blogging… that is pushing my own boundaries and challenging myself to be as honest as I possibly can. That can actually be really hard and it means putting a lot of stupid crap out there, but I try really hard not to censor myself because I really don’t believe in bottling shit up.

Anyway, all this rambling is actually just a prelude to a bigger blog entry I’m planning about my relationship to the camera and the gaze. That one’s been fermenting in my brain for a few years now, so here’s my official promise to attempt to get it into words as soon as I can.



It’s oh so quiet, shh shh
November 5, 2010, 9:29 am
Filed under: Porn, Sex | Tags: , , ,

Though I have a lot I want to talk about, I’ve not had time to blog due to being busy with other projects. Just to fill the void that is my blog-space currently, I’m going to share an illustration I did the other day. I’m really not happy with it – it’s awkward, stiff, the poses look contrived, the anatomy is bad… gah. I’m not so crash hot as an illustrator. The picture was a bit of a train wreck to begin with and I’m sick of it so am going to give up on the hope of somehow fixing it. Instead I shall set it free by releasing it into the murky grey skies of cyberspace. Meh and so forth.

Edit: Also, I recently filmed, edited and starred in another ishotmyself.com video, this time for Halloween. It was rushed as all heck so it’s not quite what I wanted but there are some good moments in it. Once again, you have to be a subscriber to see my stuff at ISM but I do plan some things to share with the general public in the future.



Antique Hardwood Bench

Just a quick one before I collapse into bed from utter exhaustion.

Recently, I was asked to talk about a sexual fantasy for sonicerotica.com. It was a little bit of a challenge for me as my fantasies tend to prominently revolve around visual elements, but this website is for the visually impaired. However, I had one reoccurring fantasy I realised I could share, despite it being a tad embarrassing.

You can listen to it for free here. A few people speak, my bit is at approximately 3:32, it’s only a few minutes long but if you want something to tease me about forever after, feel free to listen!



Making Sex Work – Feminism vs. The Sex Industry
October 12, 2010, 12:32 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , ,

I just came across this awesome video while reading Serpent Libertine’s blog. It’s a message to anti-porn, anti-sex work feminists and it basically expresses my own thoughts on the issue in a far more succinct and articulate manner than I am capable of. I’d love for people to check it out and spread the word.

There seems to be an overwhelming upsurge of militant feminists who are very much against sex work to the point where they want it abolished. I don’t own the term “feminist”, I can’t say they’re not feminist… but I could like to suggest that they’re bad feminists. Bad feminists, down! I said DOWN! BAD! No schmackos for you! Uh, anyway, as one of the women in the video put it, and I’m sorry if I misquote her:

“This is my body, this is the only thing I alone am ever going to truly own and I should be able to use my body as I see fit, regardless of whether you or anyone else sees it as morally or ethically wrong. The right to choose what happens to one’s body and the right to control what happens to one’s body is a fundamental right that I and others are extremely passionate about. The moment we say ‘no you can’t do this with your body’ is the moment we step foot on a slippery slope that ends up with people – not just women, men included – being denied their most basic right, the right to body autonomy.”

Yes! Fucking… yes!

Edit: If you’re interested, there’s also a follow up video dealing with some of the arguments people have made about the topic. It’s pretty great, I’m in love with the awesome lady who does these.



The Ultra Awesome Nio Show
October 7, 2010, 8:07 pm
Filed under: Porn | Tags: , , , ,

One pleasant Sunday evening, with the assistance of a wee little camera, my partner and I made an obscene, depraved, nude, comedy… thing. I can only think to describe it as what might possibly happen if Mike Kelley, Tom Green, Kristen Schaal and my boobs decided to have a gross and creepy baby. Unfortunately, The Ultra Awesome Nio Show is only available to subscribers at ishotmyself.com but I totally intend to make projects in a similar vein that will be available to everyone in the future. It was just way too much fun. In the meantime, have some small stills!



Sharing is sexy – round two
September 25, 2010, 1:43 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Gorgeousness from just a perfect day.

How To Respect Sex Workers from Ms. Magazine. This is SUCH a great little article! Interesting comments, too.

Sympathy for the Anti-Porn Feminists by sex positive activist, Clarisse Thorn. It’s a great article and I highly recommend reading it in its entirety. However, here are some bits that stood out for me:

“So how can I have sympathy for anti-porn feminists? Only because I remember how I felt just a few years ago. I remember that I felt so confused about my own sexuality; I remember how resentful I felt, that sex seemed so easy for men — that the world seemed to facilitate their sex drives so thoroughly, particularly by providing all this porn!”

Also:

“Anti-porn activists rely on the societal belief that men’s sexuality is hard to control, scaring us into believing that allowing porn will enable uncontrollable men.”

Teenagers and Pornography – Looking at porn doesn’t have to be a dirty secret by David Heslin. I’ve meant to share this article with y’all for awhile now and the other day I actually met the guy who wrote it, turns out he’s been dating a dear friend of mine! Small world etc etc. I digress, this is an interesting article with some novel ideas:

“Society must, at some stage, accept that not only is there a widespread demand for pornography, but that it also has the potential, in the process of adhering to certain values, to aid healthy adolescent sexual development. It may seem ludicrous to envision government-funded pornography, but there is no reason why such an enlightened initiative would not be theoretically feasible. Through broadcasters such as the ABC, the government already gives funding to comedy, entertainment, current affairs programs and sport; the only reason, it seems, that pornography could not join those ranks is its general lack of perceived legitimacy.”

Senior Citizens and BDSM, a nifty article by Rabbit Write:

“One thing that may benefit older people getting into the BDSM community is that often experience is valued — age can be hot. “I have a number of the younger ones ask me if they could play with me,” Peaches says. “Sometimes you get respect because you’re older and sometimes you get respect because you deserve it.””

What’s it LIKE to be in a D/s relationship? By a very awesome friend of mine. So, what’s it like?

“It’s… secure. It’s very secure. You know where things are. You know the rules, not because they’re built by society and trained into you by magazines and schoolyard gossip, but because you’ve talked about it and figured it out together.”

One in four lap dancers has a degree on the BBC News website. I watched this short little clip and I like how articulate the woman speaking is:

“I think part of the stigma is because there’s a lot of misinformation, a lot of myth about the adult entertainment industry. One of the exciting things about this report is that it’s been ethically carried out and it’s actually asking the women what they feel about their job and why they do their job and one of the most striking things is job satisfaction and of course, the money (…)”

Do women really want male lap dancers? by Ellen Levenson. Mostly, I found the article pretty “meh” but I wanted to link to it just for this one quote that tickled me:

“I do take umbrage at a man, even a psycho-sexual therapist, telling me that he knows what women want. The long-standing theory, that women aren’t turned on visually, feels like something men may have made up to make themselves feel better, telling each other in secret exchanges in changing rooms or masonic temples: “Yes, I’m ugly, smelly and have a small penis but she loves me because I make her laugh and know how to unblock the sink.” “Get a grip,” I want to say. “What we really want is a big, hard …” Alas, this is probably only true when it comes attached to someone who can make us laugh and unblock the sink.”

Cleavage at the Work Place at the awesome Cuntlove blog. I actually intend to expand upon this with some of my own thoughts and experiences at some point, because as a big(ish) boobed women I entirely relate:

“A small chested woman will never be  told that her shirt is too tight or that she shouldn’t wear v-necks or whatever, but I somehow manage to look slutty wearing a t-shirt for crying out loud. It just, well, to be honest, when I was told that I was a good-looking woman, but that my cleavage shouldn’t be so exposed or that it was inappropriate, I felt embarrassed as all hell and suddenly aware of being female and that that was somehow bad.”

And finally, my absolute favourite of the batch…

The It Gets Better Project
, for LGBT teenagers, started by the awesome Dan Savage who I am kind of sort of a huge fan of. Apparently, 9 out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are 4 times as more likely to attempt suicide. A lot of these teens live in rural areas where they have no access to LGBT support groups etc. This project basically aims to get the important message out to LGBT teens that it gets better. You can read more about it here, LGBT folks can contribute, and you absolutely have to watch the video below, it is incredibly touching, lovely and almost brought tears to my eyes because I’m a big sooky crybaby.



Ultra Violet
September 24, 2010, 6:09 pm
Filed under: Art, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , ,

Just playing around with more comic book character designs and colouring styles. There’s a few things about this picture that annoy me (including her confusing sex toy – what is it exactly?!) but I’m sick of it so… meh. I like the colours, they make my eyeballs vibrate. Also, I’m no longer hosting my pictures on WordPress as the ones I posted earlier have been compressed horribly.