Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.


Small Update
May 11, 2011, 4:22 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Sex | Tags: ,

Unfortunately, this blog is still quite dead. Though my enthusiasm has not vanished, I’m still having to limit the use of my hands somewhat and unfortunately, drawing takes priority over writing and I’m really not getting into that voice recognition software. I hope to get back into the swing of things eventually but it’s just not going to be soon.

Bah and humbug. On a brighter note, have some links!

How Not To Rape People: A Handy Guide For Modern Men and Footballers

and

Phone Sex Grandma

That’s all for now, folks.



The Pervocracy: On Eating Our Own
April 13, 2011, 12:18 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

Once again, The Pervocracy, a much more prolific blogger than I, says what I’ve been thinking in a far more articulate manner.

On Eating Our Own.

“Here’s something I’m still conflicted about: finding a statement that is basically feminist, basically accepting, but has some flaws, and tearing it to fucking shreds.

(…)

If someone is 98% on your side, you know what? Cut them some slack. Otherwise you might have to actually deal with the people who aren’t on your side at all. They’re a whole lot meaner.”

I’m very much inclined to agree. I’m all for civilised debate, it’s really important, but it seems like the feminist world is full to the brim of people who will get absolutely hysterical at someone simply for using the wrong word or saying something in the wrong way. I’m forever stumbling across feminist bloggers, for instance, who love ripping right into Dan Savage and speaking about him as if he is pure evil. While I agree that he says some pretty damn stupid things sometimes… he also does and says some really great things. So why are we wasting so much time and energy on him and not, I don’t know, the Catholic fucking Church and people who want us dead?

I mean, yeah it’s good to call people out on the stupid things they say, that’s how people learn, that’s how dialogue gets more sophisticated. However, you don’t need to instantly relegate someone to enemy just because you aren’t in 100% agreement with them. The world is not so black and white and us verses them attitudes are dangerous, counter-productive and just plain childish.

It’s the in-fighting that bothers me so much. The bloggers who spend all their time picking apart the arguments made by other bloggers who are essentially on their side, the feminist, “I’m more right, moral and inclusive than you!” screaming matches. I’ve had friends tell me it puts them off the feminist world and frankly, sometimes it alienates me too.

I’ll probably always be feminist… but I wish there was just a little more respect and camaraderie because frankly, sometimes it feels like you have to walk a fucking gauntlet before being let into the club and even then, there are booby traps around every corner.

Yes you probably have a point with whatever argument you’re making and that is not the problem, it’s simply the respect and remembering that we can’t get it 100% right 100% of the time. We’re all on different paths, all looking at things from our own unique perspective with our own unique background. If someone’s doing their best to be a good, decent person then when they fuck up from time to time, give them a bloody break because at some point, you’re going to fuck up too.



Resigned and Face
February 7, 2011, 9:12 am
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok, I’m still not writing much right now as I’m still recovering from my wrist problems which, as it turns out, are tendonitis and mild carpal tunnel. However, I want to make a few small updates.

First of all, after almost two years working as a video editor for “ethical erotica” producers, Feck, I have resigned. Despite some issues, I had a good run there. I learned a lot of valuable skills from some very talented ladies, not to mention had my views on sexuality, porn specifically, expanded and made far more complex.

Perhaps I will write about this someday when I am a bit less in the midst of it and can get my thoughts straight. But, ultimately, I am grateful to have been part of such an unconventional workplace and to have met the amazing people that work there. By working for Feck, I feel like I was peripherally part of something historically important that will influence a whole new generation of ethical, thoughtful, artistic pornographers. Or something.

I still intend to continue with this blog and to participate in the online world of sex positive, feminist ramblings and porn making in whatever capacity I can. Exactly how this will all play out, I am currently unsure.

In other news, if you’re living in Australia, tune into ABC1 this Tuesday at 10:05PM for Face (otherwise I believe the film will be available for online viewing at a later date). Directed by one of my former workmates, Face is a documentary about Feck’s Beautiful Agony project which was founded by the talented and awesome, Lauren Olney (who I hope doesn’t mind me pimping her blog here! Her photography is intimidatingly excellent!)

“Face is a kaleidoscopic documentary – a singular portrait made up of many faces – which delves into the private and public worlds of everyday human sexuality. The focus is on the people involved in Beautiful Agony, an ever-expanding collaborative art project that collates self-portraiture video recordings of orgasm faces. (…)

Face allows the audience a voyeuristic glimpse into the lives of people who have consciously chosen to push their personal boundaries and share that experience with others. It is a thought provoking study that delicately unfolds the layers of this enigmatic subject and invites the audience to consider their own place in the picture.”

Sounds awesome, eh? From the article here.

The show will be followed by a live web chat for one hour from 10.30pm here. Should be good!

Edit: Ok, no more updates for a few more weeks, all that typing is causing pain again. Yowza.

Edit Again! Turns out a certain somebody’s face (Mine! Duh!)  is going to appear in a re-edited version of the doco. I’ll let y’all know if it becomes available online.



Kristen Schaal on Rape Victim Abortion Funding
February 6, 2011, 12:15 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

Kristen Schaal is probably my all time favourite comedian and I love her appearances about “women’s issues” on the Daily Show. Just the other day, she did a bit where she was talking about ‘The No Taxpayer Funding For Abortions Act’. It was quite hilarwious and cutting in its parody of the backwards beliefs that some people seem to hold. Be warned though, it could be somewhat triggering.

Anyway, you can check it out here. While you’re at it, you can also see her talking about Hugh Hefner and the Playboy Mansion here.




Carpal Tunnel and Amanda Palmer
January 17, 2011, 4:43 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Ok I’m going to be entirely inactive here an undetermined period of time as I’m currently having problems with carpal tunnel and need to restrict my activity on the computer.

So in the meantime, here’s something I found very entertaining. Amanda Palmer has her say on the whole pubic hair thing (of which I’ve already posted my own opinion here) in the most fun, colourful, sparkly and catchy way ever.



Fishnets, fashion and dickwads.
January 3, 2011, 12:30 am
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

So I really like clothes but I have no fashion sense whatsoever, nor the money to invest in fancy things. Subsequently, I shop at op shops a lot and have a dress style that would perhaps be kindly described as “eclectic”. From time to time, I’ve apparently offended people with my horrifying disregard for the fact that certain colours, styles and patterns just shouldn’t go together.

So tonight I was wearing a pair of fishnet stockings that I got for $1 at the supermarket, along with a short skirt and corporate jacket I got from a second-hand shop. I was heading to an Indian restaurant with my boyfriend and stopped to kiss him when some douche bags drove by in a convertible and yelled “She’s a whore, she’s gonna cheat on you bro!” (in response to which my boyfriend called out “It’s ok! We’re polyamorous!” Ha!)

Now, maybe it had nothing to do with the way I was dressed tonight, maybe these were just general misogynistic dickwads, showing off to each other because their egos needed that validation.

But suddenly I was self conscious about an outfit I’d put on without thinking. There was once a time when I’d have worried about wearing fishnet stockings and a skirt, for fear of being viewed as “trashy” or “slutty” but nowadays, my general attitude towards clothes is “Fuck everyone, I’ll wear whatever I want to wear” to the point where I don’t often really think about what I’m wearing.

Still, for a moment I felt self conscious and insecure, just because some idiots said something stupid. I am feeling totally fine now, but it never fails to surprise me how easily my self image can be shaken by others.

Shaken, but ultimately strengthened. Fuck everyone, fuck arbitrary rules about how women should dress, I’ll wear whatever I bloody well want to wear. Now hand me my motherfucking tapestry cat vest and my golden leggings, I’ve got some being awesome to do!

 



Cornflake Wank and Poetry – Very NSFW
January 3, 2011, 12:07 am
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This is possibly the most explicit thing I’ve posted here yet and was actually a quick submission I made for a zine.  I don’t know if I really like it but I thought I’d put it out there as this blog is a little inactive while I’m working on stuff for this project and entertaining my mother while she’s visiting from overseas. It’s pretty confronting to put this sort of thing up on the internet for a myriad of reasons – from fear of slut stigma, unwanted creepy attention, to fear of being viewed as “gross” or simply an attention hog. Still, I try never to let those things stop me from doing stuff so here goes.

 

While I’m randomly sharing stuff, here’s a “poem” of sorts that I wrote awhile back about my first (and currently only, though hopefully that won’t be a forever thing!) sexual encounter with another woman.  I am not, by any means, a poet but sometimes I like to play with words and I thought this was… well, not great but OK.  It’s been sitting around on my computer for yonks so I figured I’d finally share it.

Girl/Girl

It’s

pretty seedy
small town
really

her 21st and
this is my first
vodka and coke

now she’s
holding my hair my
head in the toilet

classy

and later

in bed
best friends
I miss him but
I kiss her and

I taste I touch

her soft her curved
her mild wet warm
her open gentle

my drunk

I fall asleep

fuck.

So yeah, I’m pretty lame. Didn’t hold my alcohol well back then and I still don’t now!



Sigh Five

Here’s a brand spanking new project that I’ve been busy working on with my partner…

Sigh Five

Sigh Five will mostly consist of comics, but we have other things planned as well. It’s very exciting, I’ve always wanted to make comics and have decided to dedicate this year to pursuing that dream. I’m not too good at this yet, but I already see myself improving after making only ten short comics.

So head on over to the site and if you like us, leave us some comments and spread the word! It’s not safe for work, by the way, with adult content and juvenile humour.




Little Taiko Boy
December 23, 2010, 9:19 pm
Filed under: Art, Sex | Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s the description from the person who posted the video:

“Little Taiko Boy combines Western holiday traditions, Shinto mythology and Japanese gay culture to advocate a very different way of wrapping gifts for a loved one.

Little Taiko Boy’s soundtrack is a safer-sex parody of the American Christmas carol “The Little Drummer Boy” interspersed with the slow rumble of a traditional Japanese taiko drum that sounds like a massive throbbing heart beat. Against this backdrop, several men meet in Tokyo’s bathhouses, love hotels and cruising spots for intimate encounters, watched over by a glamorous drag version of Amaterasu Omikami, the Shinto goddess of the Sun played by Japanese activist and artist MADAME BONJOUR JOHNJ. Like a queer Santa Claus, the goddess leaves each couple a condom in a bejeweled wrapper as a gift and blessing for the night.”

That video is the coolest thing I’ve seen in ages and I have to admit, I found it incredibly hot. I love that it’s this smart, funny, creative and colourful film that promotes safe sex in a fun and sexy way.



Intermission
December 13, 2010, 8:20 pm
Filed under: Misc

Hmmm, so some things may be changing for me soon. Stuff I can’t talk about here but really wish I could. It’s a funny thing, trying to always speak and live with honesty and integrity, but also having to juggle the realities of life.

That is really cryptic and I apologise because I can’t explain further. But I might be a little scarce around here for a month or two, depending.



I will probably regret posting this.
December 10, 2010, 11:29 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , ,

I’m going to post this blog entry without proofreading and editing it like I usually would because I feel like if I don’t post it now, I’ll lose my nerve. Yep.

Just a warning, this is going to be a post about rape. This is a hard topic to write about and is going to reveal some messed up shit from my head that I’ve always been too embarrassed to write about. To cut to the point, I’ve never been raped but for several years of my teenage life, from about 15 to 20 years old, I was convinced that I would be.

(Um, I’d just like to say something at this juncture… I am not trying to minimise what’s happened to actual victims of rape. These people have been through far worse than I have, obviously. I simply want to process my own experiences, I know they’ve mostly been in my fucked up head but I feel like I’ve never really dealt with them before and, well, isn’t this what the internet is for?)

No, rape wasn’t a looming threat for most of the time, though when I was 15 I did have an online “friend” who I met in real life threatening me in ways that were really pretty scary for me at the time. I also learned that some of my friends had been raped. Um, one friend by another friend and… I had set them up with each other. I thought they’d make a cute couple. I had no idea he would do such a thing and I felt absolutely fucking sick to my stomach. And responsible. Later, I learned about other male friends who had raped women. I started losing my trust in men.

It kind of fucked with my head a whole lot. I made art about it (including a big painting “The Victim is Punished” which is incredibly graphic and naively done but has a whole lot of my raw, messy teenage emotions about the subject in it – you can see it here but don’t say I didn’t warn you I guess?) and when women saw the art, more and more of them came out to me about their horrible experiences. They opened up to me and told me all about what happened to them. People have always opened up to me about stuff. I’m a good listener, empathetic (too empathetic, I think) and they tell me all the details. I also have an incredibly visual imagination, when people speak to me, I get images of what they are saying in my head. That was a lot to take in.

So anyway, obviously I was pretty messed up as a teenager. Unaddressed mental health issues and whatnot. I had some pretty bad issues going on in my head anyway and here I was, getting this horrific insight into rape that I guess I didn’t know how to process it and had no one to talk to about it. I even learned about the past lives of various family members. And I learned the statistics. And I just didn’t know how to deal.

And… yeah. I just became convinced I would be raped someday. It felt inevitable. Statistically likely. It got to the point where whenever I heard any discussions on rape, I got sort of crazy and hysterical. To be honest, sometimes still when rape is discussed, I still get this helpless, sick feeling, I get shaky and break into tears. Or I get angry and crazy. Gah.

Fuck. This is really hard to write about. First time I’ve ever cried while blogging. I feel like an idiot saying all this and I’m so worried that people will think I’m pathetic but… wow. I don’t know. I’m usually pretty good at analysing my emotions and all that but this just feels really messy and embarrassing. Ack. I really don’t want to come across as melodramatic and crazy but probably will. I know victims of rape have had experiences worse than I can even understand. It’s why I’ve never talked about this before because I feel like an absolute fucking idiot.

Still, I feel like rape has affected my life too so I guess it’s valid for me to talk about? I don’t know. Bleh.



Blogging Flogging
December 3, 2010, 1:54 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

One Sunday a few weeks back, I went with some friends to a kinky fetish night. Admittedly, this is only the third time I’ve ventured to a BDSM event but every time my experiences and observations have been positive.

I want to share some of my thoughts in no particular order. Please keep in mind I am relatively inexperienced and if I say some really stupid shit, you’re welcome to contest my points.

Random thoughts in no particular order.

– In my small amount of experience, BDSM clubs are not like people seem to imagine. Yes there are people being flogged, suspended, having needles put into their skin and crawling around on the ground and yes the scenes sometimes seem kind of intense. However, mostly the atmosphere feels very relaxed and most people are just standing around, watching, talking, drinking, joking… basically just socialising.

– At these events, I’ve actually felt far more comfortable and relaxed than at any bar or nightclub I’ve been to. There are a lot of rules around consent and respect, so I get the sense that were I approached by an interested party, I’d feel quite empowered to say “no” and have that respected.

– In everyday life, I do not tend to feel very sexually attractive. I haven’t the time/money/inclination to put a lot of effort into giving myself the lean gym bunny body so many people seem obsessed with. I am short and I dress sort of weirdly in the cheap, not quite right clothes I get at op shops. In other words, I don’t quite fit into what are current mainstream ideals of sexy. At best, people usually tell me I’m “cute” which makes me cringe and die a little inside (Seriously, I even made art about it! This film from this body of work.)

However, at the BDSM spaces I’ve been in, you get to see a much wider range of body types, ages, identities etc in a sexual context. When I see so many of these people strutting about feeling and looking sexy, owning their bodies proudly, I too feel sexy and empowered. This is a world somewhat removed from so much that is disheartening to me about mainstream society. Sexy isn’t just such a narrow, unobtainable, physical thing – it’s something that’s much more of an attitude.

And in these spaces I think “Damn, I am SMOKIN’!”

Also… I got flogged!

I watched a friend, Erin, who has been involved in BDSM for a long time flogging someone else and I was so impressed by the look of intense concentration on his face something akin to the look a cat gets when preparing to pounce, or my partner sometimes gets in the bedroom. Intense, focused concentration. Very hot.

I’ve always liked the way Erin talks about BDSM, often emphasizing the importance of safety, responsibly and communication. I find that incredibly admirable and I realised he would be the perfect person to ask to try being flogged for the very first time. See, though I consider myself very much into BDSM as a mindset and love being submissive in the bedroom, I’ve not done a lot of the “standard” stuff.

So I spent a little time psyching myself up to ask Erin. When I finally did approach him, I said something along the lines of “I don’t know if I can ask you this but…um…” and I swear the cheeky bugger had a twinkle in his eye when he grinned and said “Yes? I’m going to make you say it!”

Very soon after, I was handcuffed to a St. Andrew’s Cross (Erin could have tied me up, he’s awesome with rope but I think we decided against that simply for the time it would take) and he tried out a couple of different floggers on me. It was at this point that I realised I may be a bit more of a pain slut then I realised. I was not feeling especially submissive that night, perhaps because of the public setting… rather I was excited to see what my body could take and had adrenaline and endorphins pumping. So the pain was exciting and, well, fun!

I didn’t last for very long, as I am new to this. When it was starting to get more intense (intense for me, other people were probably snickering!) though I felt I could go on a little longer, Erin decided that was a good time to stop which in retrospect, I agree was a good and responsible idea. Afterwards, I was shaky but elated, I had this similar feeling to after I’ve been out dancing. I was full of happy chemicals, I’m sure, but I also felt this sense of excitement about what I can put my body through.

When I mentioned I was shaky, Erin asked his boy “Where’s that thing for people who get shaky?” and started rummaging about in his toy bag until he produced a muesli bar! Ahhh! A muesli bar! How freakin’ adorable is that? I politely declined as I had just had a cupcake offered to me by someone who was celebrating their birthday. Yes, cupcakes in a BDSM club. With coloured icing and sprinkles.

I think a lot of people are baffled and upset by BDSM either because it’s not their thing or because it IS their thing and that scares them. Perhaps because they are unable to separate real, non-consensual violence from what essentially strikes me as fantasy, role playing and even a sort of sport. But really, coming into this world so far has been a very positive thing for me. I know there are lots of criticisms within the BDSM world about various aspects of it and I’m sure they’re not all wrong. However, there is so much about it that I’m finding to be far more welcoming and wonderful for me than the “vanilla” world has been. Perhaps because I’m entering this world with a lot less baggage and a lot more feminism than when I first became sexually active… but yeah, it’s exciting.

Oh and I still had marks on my back, several days later. When a workmate asked me about them, apparently I instantly broke into a huge grin because she knew right away what I’d been up to. What can I say? I was really fucking happy.



Not Your Mom’s Trans 101
December 3, 2010, 12:06 pm
Filed under: Misc | Tags: ,

I just wanted to spread the word about this article; Not Your Mom’s Trans 101.

“I think the time has come for me to tackle the problem of explaining and defining what it means to be transgender without resorting to cissexist language. It strikes me as I contemplate this task that Trans 101 is generally not only dumbed-down, but also declawed. There are truths that I must speak here that are incredibly threatening to a cissupremacist worldview, that attack its very foundations. But I for one am willing to do that. I am not here to make cis people comfortable or to reassure them that they are still the center of the gendered universe. In fact, I am totally fine with doing the opposite.”

I won’t pretend to be clued up enough to make any deep comments about this article, but I really enjoyed reading it and in light of my recent post about Transgender Day of Remembrance, I thought it might be good to continue the conversation and knowledge sharing goodness.



Camera Whore – A Prelude
November 29, 2010, 10:58 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

About a month back, my partner was away for the night with the lovely R and I was home alone. Though I’m relatively regular in my masturbatory habits, this was the first time in quite a while that I had the house to myself for the entire night and, uh, I wanked for about four hours straight. Towards the end of it, I was incredibly dizzy and my head was pounding. I was sure that if I came again, I might just pass out but I just had to have one… last… orgasm.

So it was 3AM, my room was a mess, my bed was covered in junk and… I squirted all over it. Though I’ve squirted many times before, this time I felt compelled to document the evidence so I grabbed my camera.

I then photographed myself in my dishevelled but still entirely dressed state (by myself, I often masturbate clothed but for my underwear). While doing this, I rediscovered an intimate feeling I’ve not had with the camera for a couple of years as my image making aesthetic has moved towards the more staged and dramatic.

For me, looking at a photo of myself is a world apart from looking at myself in the mirror. In the mirror, I am looking at me. In a photo, I am seeing me as somebody else. This can be confronting and distressing but sometimes it is refreshing, revealing and even erotic.

I wasn’t originally going to post the two photos in this blog entry because they felt a little too intimate, maybe even a bit “gross” for some of my friends to see my wet patch and bedroom hair! But for me there is a common thing which I enjoy in making my art, my porn in my blogging… that is pushing my own boundaries and challenging myself to be as honest as I possibly can. That can actually be really hard and it means putting a lot of stupid crap out there, but I try really hard not to censor myself because I really don’t believe in bottling shit up.

Anyway, all this rambling is actually just a prelude to a bigger blog entry I’m planning about my relationship to the camera and the gaze. That one’s been fermenting in my brain for a few years now, so here’s my official promise to attempt to get it into words as soon as I can.



Transgender Day of Remembrance
November 20, 2010, 11:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. I wanted to write a blog entry for it but have only just gotten home, the day is almost over and I am utterly exhausted. In any case, my friend Erin spoke about this far better than I ever could. I hope you don’t mind my linking to this Erin, I was just really moved by this video. You are a beautiful human being and you continue to inspire me.