Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.


Trying My Best

This is the demented web series I’ve spent the last three years of my life on! Uh, three years because having a chronic pain condition (thoracic outlet syndrome) does slow down your productivity severely but I am very proud of this show. The web series itself has been called “the love-child of the Mighty Boosh and Look Around You combined with Sesame St on acid” which we we’re pretty pleased about. If you’re into surreal, colourful, dirty and weird comedy like Rick and Morty, Monty Python, Look Around You, The Mighty Boosh, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Flight of the Conchords, The Sarah Silverman Program, Lady Dynamite, The Tom Green Show, Spaced, Green Wing or The Eric Andre Show, you might dig this.

The show slowly builds into something very weird, dark and more complicated than it might originally seem to be so I recommend sticking around for a few episodes, we’ve been told that the payoff at the ending is pretty great.

Still, if you don’t have a lot of time, maybe just check out this part of the show that we took from episode 4 and turned into a music video. I wanted the guys I work with to help me write and make a sex positive, body positive, pop/rap style comedy music video inspired by the likes of Lonely Island, Ylvis, Flight of the Conchords and a bit of Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj but done on a micro-budget. We’re pretty damn pleased with the result!

 

If you dig our stuff, it would be absolutely amazing if you would help us spread the word and reach new audiences so that we can make a season two! There’s a whole lot more story we have left to tell!

 



Resigned and Face
February 7, 2011, 9:12 am
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok, I’m still not writing much right now as I’m still recovering from my wrist problems which, as it turns out, are tendonitis and mild carpal tunnel. However, I want to make a few small updates.

First of all, after almost two years working as a video editor for “ethical erotica” producers, Feck, I have resigned. Despite some issues, I had a good run there. I learned a lot of valuable skills from some very talented ladies, not to mention had my views on sexuality, porn specifically, expanded and made far more complex.

Perhaps I will write about this someday when I am a bit less in the midst of it and can get my thoughts straight. But, ultimately, I am grateful to have been part of such an unconventional workplace and to have met the amazing people that work there. By working for Feck, I feel like I was peripherally part of something historically important that will influence a whole new generation of ethical, thoughtful, artistic pornographers. Or something.

I still intend to continue with this blog and to participate in the online world of sex positive, feminist ramblings and porn making in whatever capacity I can. Exactly how this will all play out, I am currently unsure.

In other news, if you’re living in Australia, tune into ABC1 this Tuesday at 10:05PM for Face (otherwise I believe the film will be available for online viewing at a later date). Directed by one of my former workmates, Face is a documentary about Feck’s Beautiful Agony project which was founded by the talented and awesome, Lauren Olney (who I hope doesn’t mind me pimping her blog here! Her photography is intimidatingly excellent!)

“Face is a kaleidoscopic documentary – a singular portrait made up of many faces – which delves into the private and public worlds of everyday human sexuality. The focus is on the people involved in Beautiful Agony, an ever-expanding collaborative art project that collates self-portraiture video recordings of orgasm faces. (…)

Face allows the audience a voyeuristic glimpse into the lives of people who have consciously chosen to push their personal boundaries and share that experience with others. It is a thought provoking study that delicately unfolds the layers of this enigmatic subject and invites the audience to consider their own place in the picture.”

Sounds awesome, eh? From the article here.

The show will be followed by a live web chat for one hour from 10.30pm here. Should be good!

Edit: Ok, no more updates for a few more weeks, all that typing is causing pain again. Yowza.

Edit Again! Turns out a certain somebody’s face (Mine! Duh!)  is going to appear in a re-edited version of the doco. I’ll let y’all know if it becomes available online.



Cornflake Wank and Poetry – Very NSFW
January 3, 2011, 12:07 am
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This is possibly the most explicit thing I’ve posted here yet and was actually a quick submission I made for a zine.  I don’t know if I really like it but I thought I’d put it out there as this blog is a little inactive while I’m working on stuff for this project and entertaining my mother while she’s visiting from overseas. It’s pretty confronting to put this sort of thing up on the internet for a myriad of reasons – from fear of slut stigma, unwanted creepy attention, to fear of being viewed as “gross” or simply an attention hog. Still, I try never to let those things stop me from doing stuff so here goes.

 

While I’m randomly sharing stuff, here’s a “poem” of sorts that I wrote awhile back about my first (and currently only, though hopefully that won’t be a forever thing!) sexual encounter with another woman.  I am not, by any means, a poet but sometimes I like to play with words and I thought this was… well, not great but OK.  It’s been sitting around on my computer for yonks so I figured I’d finally share it.

Girl/Girl

It’s

pretty seedy
small town
really

her 21st and
this is my first
vodka and coke

now she’s
holding my hair my
head in the toilet

classy

and later

in bed
best friends
I miss him but
I kiss her and

I taste I touch

her soft her curved
her mild wet warm
her open gentle

my drunk

I fall asleep

fuck.

So yeah, I’m pretty lame. Didn’t hold my alcohol well back then and I still don’t now!



Sigh Five

Here’s a brand spanking new project that I’ve been busy working on with my partner…

Sigh Five

Sigh Five will mostly consist of comics, but we have other things planned as well. It’s very exciting, I’ve always wanted to make comics and have decided to dedicate this year to pursuing that dream. I’m not too good at this yet, but I already see myself improving after making only ten short comics.

So head on over to the site and if you like us, leave us some comments and spread the word! It’s not safe for work, by the way, with adult content and juvenile humour.




Little Taiko Boy
December 23, 2010, 9:19 pm
Filed under: Art, Sex | Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s the description from the person who posted the video:

“Little Taiko Boy combines Western holiday traditions, Shinto mythology and Japanese gay culture to advocate a very different way of wrapping gifts for a loved one.

Little Taiko Boy’s soundtrack is a safer-sex parody of the American Christmas carol “The Little Drummer Boy” interspersed with the slow rumble of a traditional Japanese taiko drum that sounds like a massive throbbing heart beat. Against this backdrop, several men meet in Tokyo’s bathhouses, love hotels and cruising spots for intimate encounters, watched over by a glamorous drag version of Amaterasu Omikami, the Shinto goddess of the Sun played by Japanese activist and artist MADAME BONJOUR JOHNJ. Like a queer Santa Claus, the goddess leaves each couple a condom in a bejeweled wrapper as a gift and blessing for the night.”

That video is the coolest thing I’ve seen in ages and I have to admit, I found it incredibly hot. I love that it’s this smart, funny, creative and colourful film that promotes safe sex in a fun and sexy way.



Camera Whore – A Prelude
November 29, 2010, 10:58 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

About a month back, my partner was away for the night with the lovely R and I was home alone. Though I’m relatively regular in my masturbatory habits, this was the first time in quite a while that I had the house to myself for the entire night and, uh, I wanked for about four hours straight. Towards the end of it, I was incredibly dizzy and my head was pounding. I was sure that if I came again, I might just pass out but I just had to have one… last… orgasm.

So it was 3AM, my room was a mess, my bed was covered in junk and… I squirted all over it. Though I’ve squirted many times before, this time I felt compelled to document the evidence so I grabbed my camera.

I then photographed myself in my dishevelled but still entirely dressed state (by myself, I often masturbate clothed but for my underwear). While doing this, I rediscovered an intimate feeling I’ve not had with the camera for a couple of years as my image making aesthetic has moved towards the more staged and dramatic.

For me, looking at a photo of myself is a world apart from looking at myself in the mirror. In the mirror, I am looking at me. In a photo, I am seeing me as somebody else. This can be confronting and distressing but sometimes it is refreshing, revealing and even erotic.

I wasn’t originally going to post the two photos in this blog entry because they felt a little too intimate, maybe even a bit “gross” for some of my friends to see my wet patch and bedroom hair! But for me there is a common thing which I enjoy in making my art, my porn in my blogging… that is pushing my own boundaries and challenging myself to be as honest as I possibly can. That can actually be really hard and it means putting a lot of stupid crap out there, but I try really hard not to censor myself because I really don’t believe in bottling shit up.

Anyway, all this rambling is actually just a prelude to a bigger blog entry I’m planning about my relationship to the camera and the gaze. That one’s been fermenting in my brain for a few years now, so here’s my official promise to attempt to get it into words as soon as I can.



Sharing is sexy – round two
September 25, 2010, 1:43 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Gorgeousness from just a perfect day.

How To Respect Sex Workers from Ms. Magazine. This is SUCH a great little article! Interesting comments, too.

Sympathy for the Anti-Porn Feminists by sex positive activist, Clarisse Thorn. It’s a great article and I highly recommend reading it in its entirety. However, here are some bits that stood out for me:

“So how can I have sympathy for anti-porn feminists? Only because I remember how I felt just a few years ago. I remember that I felt so confused about my own sexuality; I remember how resentful I felt, that sex seemed so easy for men — that the world seemed to facilitate their sex drives so thoroughly, particularly by providing all this porn!”

Also:

“Anti-porn activists rely on the societal belief that men’s sexuality is hard to control, scaring us into believing that allowing porn will enable uncontrollable men.”

Teenagers and Pornography – Looking at porn doesn’t have to be a dirty secret by David Heslin. I’ve meant to share this article with y’all for awhile now and the other day I actually met the guy who wrote it, turns out he’s been dating a dear friend of mine! Small world etc etc. I digress, this is an interesting article with some novel ideas:

“Society must, at some stage, accept that not only is there a widespread demand for pornography, but that it also has the potential, in the process of adhering to certain values, to aid healthy adolescent sexual development. It may seem ludicrous to envision government-funded pornography, but there is no reason why such an enlightened initiative would not be theoretically feasible. Through broadcasters such as the ABC, the government already gives funding to comedy, entertainment, current affairs programs and sport; the only reason, it seems, that pornography could not join those ranks is its general lack of perceived legitimacy.”

Senior Citizens and BDSM, a nifty article by Rabbit Write:

“One thing that may benefit older people getting into the BDSM community is that often experience is valued — age can be hot. “I have a number of the younger ones ask me if they could play with me,” Peaches says. “Sometimes you get respect because you’re older and sometimes you get respect because you deserve it.””

What’s it LIKE to be in a D/s relationship? By a very awesome friend of mine. So, what’s it like?

“It’s… secure. It’s very secure. You know where things are. You know the rules, not because they’re built by society and trained into you by magazines and schoolyard gossip, but because you’ve talked about it and figured it out together.”

One in four lap dancers has a degree on the BBC News website. I watched this short little clip and I like how articulate the woman speaking is:

“I think part of the stigma is because there’s a lot of misinformation, a lot of myth about the adult entertainment industry. One of the exciting things about this report is that it’s been ethically carried out and it’s actually asking the women what they feel about their job and why they do their job and one of the most striking things is job satisfaction and of course, the money (…)”

Do women really want male lap dancers? by Ellen Levenson. Mostly, I found the article pretty “meh” but I wanted to link to it just for this one quote that tickled me:

“I do take umbrage at a man, even a psycho-sexual therapist, telling me that he knows what women want. The long-standing theory, that women aren’t turned on visually, feels like something men may have made up to make themselves feel better, telling each other in secret exchanges in changing rooms or masonic temples: “Yes, I’m ugly, smelly and have a small penis but she loves me because I make her laugh and know how to unblock the sink.” “Get a grip,” I want to say. “What we really want is a big, hard …” Alas, this is probably only true when it comes attached to someone who can make us laugh and unblock the sink.”

Cleavage at the Work Place at the awesome Cuntlove blog. I actually intend to expand upon this with some of my own thoughts and experiences at some point, because as a big(ish) boobed women I entirely relate:

“A small chested woman will never be  told that her shirt is too tight or that she shouldn’t wear v-necks or whatever, but I somehow manage to look slutty wearing a t-shirt for crying out loud. It just, well, to be honest, when I was told that I was a good-looking woman, but that my cleavage shouldn’t be so exposed or that it was inappropriate, I felt embarrassed as all hell and suddenly aware of being female and that that was somehow bad.”

And finally, my absolute favourite of the batch…

The It Gets Better Project
, for LGBT teenagers, started by the awesome Dan Savage who I am kind of sort of a huge fan of. Apparently, 9 out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are 4 times as more likely to attempt suicide. A lot of these teens live in rural areas where they have no access to LGBT support groups etc. This project basically aims to get the important message out to LGBT teens that it gets better. You can read more about it here, LGBT folks can contribute, and you absolutely have to watch the video below, it is incredibly touching, lovely and almost brought tears to my eyes because I’m a big sooky crybaby.



Nio got interviewed
August 18, 2010, 10:25 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , ,

So I got interviewed by the totally awesome Gore-Gore Girl. She asked some really great questions and told me that I could write as much as I liked – which, considering I’m not very succinct at the best of times, was very brave of her indeed!

So go check it out, and your feedback on my thoughts would be very much welcome there (Oh please oh please!) Though I must admit I worried a whole lot about sounding like a self-important twit, overall it was a whole lot of fun and really helped me get a little bit of a clearer picture in my head in regards to what this blog’s all about, woooo!



Sharing is Sexy – Round One
August 12, 2010, 11:29 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Hey I’m super busy with various projects but I thought I’d start a segment on this blog where I occasionally share stuff by other people that I like or find interesting. Huzzuh!

http://ireensarrows.tumblr.com/post/210906379
I might have to try this. Emma Frost by Bryan Lee O’Malley

Annie Sprinkle, who is awesome, said in this article:

“The answer to bad porn is not no porn, but to try to make better porn.”

Sex Workers: Stigma and barriers to health. The UCL Institute for Global Health’s 12th symposium. I found this talk really interesting and though the video is a bit long, I highly recommend a listen as I think education is a wonderful way to challenge people’s assumptions and beliefs surrounding sex work.

Porn Star Lorelei Lee talks obscenity. Here are some choice quotes from the article:

“If we lived in a society in which women’s sexuality was celebrated, and was seen as usually proactive rather than usually passive, I don’t think people would jump so quickly to the concepts of exploitation and dehumanization when they thought of female performers.”

Annnnnddd…

“Porn, I think, is sometimes dark because sex is sometimes dark — because people are sometimes dark. Of course, porn is also often lighthearted, funny, ugly, gorgeous and ridiculous. Human desires evolve out of our varied, complex experiences in the world. Sex is so basic to our humanity, and sexuality is an arena, like dreaming, that connects us to the parts of ourselves we don’t always fully understand or have words for. This is what makes sexuality fascinating and endlessly variable and certainly worth performing.”

Sex is not the enemy. This lovely tumblr blog is a great resource for pretty, sexy pictures and good articles. In fact, it’s where I found a few of the things I’m now sharing here!

Greta Christina on Porn, Social Criticism and the Marginalization of Kink. This article reminds me why Greta Christina is one of my favourite bloggers:

“The problem isn’t with critiquing kinky or rough-sex porn for perpetuating misogyny.

The problem is with critiquing rough-sex or kinky porn for perpetuating misogyny… simply because it’s rough or kinky.”

Copyright Infringements in the Porn Industry. An interesting article on the challenges faced by the porn industry. I’d be interested to hear any thoughts people might have on this one.

The Gore-Gore Girl – “XXX through a feminist lens”. In this article she said:

“In my experience, people seem to think that women want no close ups of genitalia, and no “nasty” content, while men of course desire exactly these very things. Men and women aren’t so simple though y’all (…)”

SANGRAM’s Bill of Rights posted here. This is my favourite so I saved it for last…

1. People have a right to be approached with humility and respect.

2. People have the right to say YES or NO to things that concern them.

3. People have the right to reject harmful social norms.

4. People have the right to stand up to and change the balance of power.

5. People have the right not to be “rescued” by the outsiders who neither understand nor respect them.

6. People have the right to exist how they want to exist.

I think that could be applied to a lot of things. Awesome.



Mobile Phone Erotica
July 15, 2010, 7:23 pm
Filed under: Art, Porn | Tags: , , , , ,

A couple of years back, when I had hair coloured atomic red, I had a notion that I might create a series of erotic images taken with my crappy cellphone. This was a test shot and I never got around to doing more, but I stumbled across this today, played a little with the colours/levels in Photoshop and thought I’d share.

I rather like the graininess of this, it’s fun using cheap mediums to make art and such.



The Sexually Submissive Feminist
July 4, 2010, 8:27 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , , ,

Old art done one especially horny day.

Yep, I’m a feminist. Yep, I’m sexually submissive. Yep, I’m a masochist. Yep, I fantasise about boys and girls tying me up and making me cry.

For several years, I have gotten increasingly interested in BDSM and as I have become better educated on it, it is becoming more integrated into my sexual expression and vocabulary. On the one hand, my interest in it seems to disturb and alienate some folks, on the other I am relatively new to it and so far only practice what I consider to be comparatively light BDSM with my partner. Though often my desire is to try more intense stimulation, I like to take this stuff slow so I can be aware of my comfort zones. So, I’m hardly an authoritarian voice, but this stuff is important to me so I’m going to record my current thoughts on it.

I am not going to write this article in a way that attempts to be inclusive of the extremely diverse BDSM community – I am writing this article from my very specific, very personal perspective as a feminist female who identifies as predominantly sexually submissive with a sprinkling of switch. Please keep comments (if indeed there are any!) respectful and remember I’m not pretending to be an expert.

Admitting I’m sexually submissive.

Ever since I can recall the first fluttering of sexual feelings (though I did not fully understand them to be so at this age) my sexual fantasies primarily revolved around submission. I remember, at a very young age, sitting in the school playground, watching while some of the “naughty” kids played pirates – the boys would kidnap the girls and tie them to the trees. I wanted so badly to be one of those girls but my parents were feminists and I felt that game was sexist. So I never played. And I never stopped fantasising.

Later, in my relationships, I would spend a lot of time hoping my partners would be more sexually assertive with me and in fact I introduced some forced fantasy play into our sex life – but this did not always make my partners comfortable and I had my own hang-ups about it. At this point, I did not have a language to articulate my desires properly nor a way to express them and as a result, often felt conflicted and guilty for not being happy with more gentle sexual play.

I actually spent a lot of time trying to teach myself to enjoy the things I was told were healthy and positive. I tried to concentrate my fantasies on a softer sort of sensuality, one that seemed more female friendly – you know, candlelight and rose petals. I tried everything to avoid fantasising about the things that made me a bad person. Guess what? A big part of my sex life was spent feeling unhappy and unsatisfied. I knew sex was important but I came to think of myself as something broken and I came to relate sex to something rather frustrating and unfair – there didn’t seem to be a way for me to find proper satisfaction.

And over the years, as I learned about too many of my female friends being victims of sexual abuse and rape, I felt a sick, blinding, frustrating, helpless rage at the perpetrators of violence against my friends. I also started to feel deeply, horribly awful and guilty for my own dark fantasies. As a result, I started to push my fantasies deeper and deeper inside myself.

But, like my sexual awakening with orgasm, moving to a city with a variety of different people in it really opened me up to new experiences. I met people involved in the BDSM community and we started having conversations about all sorts of fabulous things – consent, communication, fantasy, safety and so on.

In fact, meeting people from the BDSM community gave me a sense of sexual agency and assertiveness about my own desires that I had previously suppressed. Though my experience with BDSM is relatively new and inexperienced, I want to discuss some of the things it has helped me understand.

Submitting in the bedroom is not submitting to the patriarchy.

It is often suggested that women who want to be sexually submissive have just internalised misogynistic, male centric codes of sexual conduct. But isn’t that, well, really fucking patronising? Isn’t it incredibly offensive to deny women ownership of their own sexual fantasies? It’s like saying that there’s no way a woman could have sexual fantasies of her own, that they come from men because women are empty vessels who only learn what to like from men. Hell, even if women have learned what to like from men, does that mean we should just never enjoy ourselves, lest we cross over to the dark side and dance the patriarchy tango? Oh yeah, and isn’t it also very heterocentric? I fantasise about submitting to other women and that’s not about replicating old heterosexual codes of conduct, it’s about me getting my rocks off.

When practicing BDSM, we are not simply re-enacting established misogynistic forms of sexual expression. When I ask my partner to slap me, it’s because I want to feel the intensity of his touch, when I ask him to tie me up it’s because I want to feel sensations of exposure and helplessness, when I ask him to dominate me it’s because I want to have the intense, screaming orgasms I get from seeing that triumphant look of power in his eyes. But it’s not about him being a man and me being a woman, it’s about us being us. In every aspect of life we are equal and sexually it is exactly the same. We give each other what we want. Shameless, sexy contentment.

This is not to say that there aren’t misogynistic BDSM practices and those can bother me (though my fantasies often revolve around women being degraded, they’re always in the context of fantasy). However, to discuss BDSM and fantasies as if they are in the same realm as the rape and abuse of women is offensive. It’s offensive both to careful, considerate practitioners of BDSM and to women who have experienced real abuse.

Submissives aren’t weak.

People who are sexually submissive are often seen as people who are weak. This is not the case and I think it’s a misogynistic attitude as people often relate sexual submissiveness to femininity. This is a load of hogwash, there are plenty of submissive men who are no less men for wanting to have their bottoms spanked.

Besides, has nobody ever heard of topping from the bottom? Has nobody heard of safe words? When I play with my partner, if he ever accidentally goes too far or I’m just not in the right mood, I have a word I can use (my word is “autumn” because that word is pretty!) and if I use that word, he stops instantly. That’s right, he can have me tied up and be standing over me with a giant whip made of doom but the moment I say “autumn” it’s game over instantly. That brings me to my next point…

BDSM is a game.

Whenever I come across people who are disturbed by BDSM, I must admit I feel a little less comfortable around them. I wonder whether they can separate reality from fantasy. It has to be understood that BDSM is fantasy, is play. Sure, there are people who do it badly, abusively, but isn’t that exactly the same with vanilla sex?

BDSM, as Dan Savage puts it, is a game of cops and robbers for adults… without pants. To play games properly, there are rules, clearly defined boundaries and if you don’t play by the rules, chances are you won’t be allowed to play again.

BDSM has taught me sexual agency.

I would like to further emphasise the importance of a safe word. As I said, it’s like a button that stops the game instantly the moment I’m feeling uncomfortable. A safe word is the thing that helps me know that no matter what I’m still in control. When I practice BDSM with my partner, like while watching a movie, I suspend my disbelief so that I can enjoy myself but we have a language that allows us to pause, play again or stop entirely.

As a submissive, I have a certain degree of responsibility towards my dominant partner, the responsibility to keep check on how I’m feeling and to make sure we don’t do anything I’m uncomfortable with. Before learning about BDSM, I didn’t have a real strategy for checking in with myself and I must admit to doing some damage to myself as a result – even while having calm, “normal” vanilla sex.

As Clarisse Thorn has written, BDSM helps encourage communication and that communication has helped me be far more aware and articulate about my own desires and boundaries.

In conclusion, I guess?

Nowadays, I am with a partner who is self identified as a dominant and this suits me wonderfully. Although I sometimes still feel residual guilt about making my sexual needs known, I feel a lot more comfortable and content sexually because I no longer feel so ashamed of my desires.

At the end of the day, when the game finishes, we’re ourselves again. Sometimes our game playing ends halfway and turns into languid, gentle lovemaking, sometimes –gasp – nobody even orgasms. Whatever, the point is that BDSM is only one aspect of our relationship, one aspect of our sexuality and ultimately, it’s just a pantsless game of cops and robbers.  Now that BDSM have given me a language and framework to explore my fantasies in a structured, considered way… I can finally allow myself out to play.

Other reading.

Because other people are more articulate and experienced than me, here are some links!

I would love for people to read this article, it’s big but it expresses a lot of my own experiences, thoughts and struggles: The Fantasy of Acceptable ‘Non-Consent’: Why the Female Sexual Submissive Scares Us (and Why She Shouldn’t).

Pro-SM Feminist Safe Spaces. I’ve only started reading this but it seems to be a good place to go to for discussions on BDSM.

Mistress Matisse’s Journal. The super sexy professional dominatrix, Mistress Matisse is articulate, intelligent and fun to read.

Clarisse Thorn. A super awesome, self described, “feminist, pro-BDSM, sex-positive activist”.



Slutmonster
March 16, 2010, 12:49 am
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

I thought I’d share some photos from the first porn I ever made. I did it early last year for ishotmyself.com. The website specifies that the contributors have to plan and take the photos themselves, so that they’re in total control of the images produced. This form of self portraiture proved more difficult than I’d anticipated but I had a lot of fun. The experience gave me a taste of what making my own sexual imagery could be like and I loved it. I also won ISM’s $500 art prize for this folio, that went towards a new camera! There are a lot more photos in the folio on the website, but here are some samples.

Slutmonster by Nio, 2009.

Dare to be monstrous, she told us (…) The monster is female, wild, dangerous, a hero and a criminal in one terrifying flesh – an enemy to the cock culture that attempts to reduce everything to heterosexual materiality. Remember, the central female organ that makes us different and strong and artists is not the womb but the brain.
~ Bertha Harris, a Memoir in Dorothy Allison’s Skin: Talking About Sex, Class and Literature, 1995


Um yeah! You know? Yeah!
March 10, 2010, 10:20 am
Filed under: Art, Misc, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

Important woman business!

Apparently, drawing women masturbating is becoming an accidental theme with me in this blog. I doodled this in under ten minutes while lying in bed, attempting to recover from having my wisdom teeth removed. I dig the weird stylisation and simple lines… I was thinking about Aubrey Beardsley. though obviously I’ve a long way to go before I can compare to Beardsley.

Anyway, I actually have been busy and/or recovering from the ordeal of having four teeth removed at once. I also have a commission and some other work I need to get done for a mini exhibition coming up (I’m an artist, sort of, well, I try to be!) But I have about a million things I want to talk about so there will be posts here too. I’m still just getting into the swing of writing ’em!

Oh I also recently had my first film go live at ifeelmyself.com. I’m not sure I have much to say about it at this juncture. I was nervous as first – seeing yourself revealed in that way on camera is pretty confronting, especially for those of us who struggle with body issues sometimes (er, isn’t that all of us?). However, when the film came out, it was somewhat anticlimactic* both for the responses it got and how I felt about it, but I’m ok with that. It certainly wasn’t a traumatic experience, I think it’s actually been somewhat liberating. Also, I got to film and edit it myself and that has really opened my eyes to the potential of what can be done in the future. Huzzah!

* Well, there was a climax, three actually! But you know what I mean.

Edit: Oh yeah! Also, my article on female orgasm was reposted at the Cuntlove blog. Cuntlove’s a great blog, so go check it out, leave comments, spread the cunty, cunty love!



Why I Make Porn
February 7, 2010, 10:14 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , ,

It occurred to me recently that I’ve been working as an editor for Feck for a year. During this time, I have also contributed a little to their websites. I currently have two folios up on I Shot Myself and an upcoming, homemade film on I Feel Myself and something in the pipeline for Beautiful Agony. I want to discuss my motivations for working at Feck and contributing to these websites.

A convoluted backstory, God help us all!

When I was 14, I was out shopping with my mother and we passed a place advertising exotic dancers. Mum must have commented because I said to her “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with women doing that if they want to.” I can’t recall exactly what she told me, but the point that stuck with me was that the problem with sex work is it leads to the exploitation of women.

So just as I was starting to think about sex work, I was already aware of it as a complex issue and feeling guilty about the titillation I secretly felt about the idea of performative sexuality.

As I got older and came more strongly into a feminism that my parents had always encouraged, this further confused my feelings about my interest in sex work. I worried that my desires and fantasies were no longer my own, but a product of some sort of patriarchal brainwashing. It was really fucking confusing. Often it still is.

However, this conflict was almost entirely theoretical as until I moved away from home at 22, my actual exposure to pornography was minimal. That said, I had created quite a lot of pornographic drawings of my own and had posed for a little nude photography for a girlfriend of mine. This led me to start to consider how sexuality could be depicted in an exciting and interesting way while still remaining “Art” with a capital “A”  (with a bunch of critics nodding, stroking their chins and making thoughtful, insightful comments.)

When I moved away from home and was able to explore my sexuality more freely, I started looking around at the porn out there. Surprise surprise, most of it was absolute crap. Yet a lot of it was still arousing in some way. Porn became tied up with my own sexual awakening, as my use of it came not long after my discovery of orgasm and helped me tap deeper into my own erotic imagination.

It was about this point that I came across Violet Blue and her sex positive, porn positive attitude. I read “The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn” and while it didn’t really say anything I hadn’t already started to feel myself, it helped me understand something – that as a feminist woman, I can enjoy porn and that’s OK. As a matter of fact, I have a right to enjoy it. Yes porn tends to exploit woman but that’s because porn currently tends to aim itself at a very simplistic idea of a male audience. By allowing myself to consume porn, I also become a customer who creates a new kind of market. At least, that’s my idealistic dream. I have a lot of those.

Then I read Alan Moore’s Bog Venus and Nazi Cock-Ring and this was what really tipped the scales for me. Fuck, I love Alan Moore. He’s so sexy with anarchistic, bearded, comic book writing ways. Let’s quote him directly.

“With the guilty and embarrassed tone thus set for the impending reign of Queen Victoria, we find pornography in the condition that has by and large defined it ever since: a wretched ghetto with which no respected artist would desire to be associated, and which therefore rapidly becomes the province of those with no literary or artistic leanings whatsoever. The once rich erotic landscape was effectively deserted by the genuinely talented. It turned eventually into a genre that not only had no standards but also appeared to think it had no need of them”
Alan Moore, Bog Venus Vs. Nazi Cock Ring, 2006.

Ok, so the essay isn’t flawless, some of the opinions are extreme and I don’t agree with everything Moore says, but it inspired me nevertheless. Here is the conclusion I came to:

Porn is not bad because of some property inherent to it. Porn is bad because of our defective attitudes towards sexuality, women, gender and so forth. Because we see sexuality as despicable and base, we see the people who create consumable sexual products as immoral and bad… so it can be something of a self fulfilling prophecy.

In conclusion… sort of?

As attitudes towards sex change (painfully slowly) for the better, so they do with porn. A couple of producers of porn with a conscience the likes of Tony Comstock, Feck, NoFauxx etc are arising. Sexually explicit, yet beautifully constructed comics such as Alan Moore’s Lost Girls are shining examples of sex treated openly, excitingly, differently… most importantly, thoughtfully, as serious subject matter.

So what I did by joining a company that makes porn was test myself, test my notion that porn can be ethical, empowering, all those happy things. I contributed and continue to contribute my own material as a test to myself.

So far I don’t felt exploited, instead I feel excited and dream more strongly about someday creating my own independent pornography that works exactly how I want it to and depicts the kind of fantasies -I- have. I feel excited in the same way I get excited about making art, except this is even better because maybe, just maybe, someday I will make art so good that people come all over it.

Edit: For a bit more insight into this, you can read my interview with the excellent Gore-Gore Girl here.



Procrastination with pictures?
February 1, 2010, 10:08 pm
Filed under: Art, Porn, Sex | Tags: ,

I’m still finding my way towards a first proper entry for this blog, I think I’m a little rusty as I haven’t written much since University. Go team me!

However I also want to use niofaps as a platform to start exploring the creation of my own sexual imagery. So let’s start off with a little sketch I did awhile back. I think I was unintentionally inspired by Jessica Fink’s beautiful and erotic comics series, Chester 5000 XYV. Jess Fink gives me wet dreams about making my own pornographic comic series. Perhaps I should. I don’t know. I want to do so many, many things!

Image

So uh yeah, you’ve probably figured out that this blog is not safe for work. Unless you work in porn. Like me. Ha! Suckers!