Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.

Respecting Sluts

I just wanted to share a quote from an awesome article that you should totally read.

“Anytime we equate fewer sex partners or monogamy or any “vanilla” sexual practice with being more respectable, we reinforce the idea that the people whose sexual desires are outside those boundaries have to trade their sexual authenticity in order to be accepted. I would much rather choose who to respect based on how they treat themselves and other people, which certainly doesn’t have to correlate with the kinds of sex or how many partners they have.”

~ If You Don’t Respect Sluts, You Don’t Respect Women. 

Self Esteem
October 26, 2011, 12:13 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism | Tags: , , , ,

Oh hey! So I did a new comic over at sighfive.com called “Self Esteem”. Click the image below to be taken to the entire comic (this is just one panel from a larger comic).

The Pervocracy – Sex Pozzie
October 26, 2011, 10:20 am
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

Most critics of sex-positive feminism have not bothered to figure out what sex-positivity is.

It’s not the giggling, hair-twirling exclamation of “it’s feminist to be sexayyy!”  It’s really not.  I’m not going to defend that strawman.  (I also think it’s funny how often I get accused of being a Hooters-girl-bot, when I’m about the least Hooters-looking-person ever.)

Nor is it the demand that everyone be sexy or have sex.  Nor is it the claim that everything that involves sex is beyond criticism.  Nor is it the suggestion that sex will fix all the problems of feminism.

Instead, sex-positivity is the belief that sex and sexiness are… okay.  It’s the belief that people shouldn’t be judged by the sex they have.  It’s the belief that consent matters and social norms do not.  It’s the belief that porn and erotica are valid media of expression (not that the current porn industry is hunky-dory, cause it’s not) and that sex work ought to be just work (not that it currently is).  It’s the belief that neither “slut” nor “prude” should be an insult.  It’s the belief that every sexual and gender identity is valid.

Sex-positivity is, in a nutshell, the belief in sexual freedom as a key component of women’s freedom and of having a better world in general.

If you want to argue with that belief, we can talk.  But if you want to argue with “everyone should be a Hooters girl because showing men your boobies is like totally the most feministical choice!” you’re not really arguing with me.  I just think that I’m in no position to judge Hooters girls or assume that they’re dimwits, sexists, or helpless victims because of what they do for a living.

Read the entire article here. 

Because I’m still struggling with my RSI and cannot write much, I really like some of the stuff on The Pervocracy blog because her opinions are often reasonably similar to mine.

Guest Post: Sex worker Verses Pro Domme: “She’s just a hooker with a Whip”
June 13, 2011, 10:35 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

A friend of mine and woman who I admire very much, Mistress Avika, wrote an article recently that I really enjoyed and asked if I could repost here. She was generous enough to oblige and so you’re lucky enough to be able to hear her intelligent, informed and interesting point of view.

Sex worker Verses Pro Domme: “She’s just a hooker with a Whip”
By Mistress Avika. 

Sex is a touchy subject around professional Dominas, Mistresses and ‘old school’ slaves. It is frequently said that  Mistresses who have sex with their slaves, bottoms, subs or erotic adventurers are not real Dommes. That a woman who does that is “just a hooker with a whip” and can’t possibly also deeply understand other reasons for engaging in BDSM. I disagree.

This issue arises from a complex set of ideas and opinions that has its basis in some real and valid ideas as well as some outdated sexism and sex negative prejudice. I seek ways to honor the valid reasons at the same time recognise and address the limiting and unhelpful aspects of the anti-sex and anti sex worker attitude.

There are many different states of consciousness, states of embodied pleasure, release and sensation that are possible. Different techniques and intentions result in different results. One is not inherently more valuable than any other. It all depends on what you want to experience.

For folk right into our BDSM(Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) fetishes and D/s (Dominant/Submissive) explorations, the goal of our activities is often a particular state of consciousness called subspace and/or topspace. These forms of play can be about eroticism but it is not necessarily about overt eroticism and might not be about eroticism at all. The focus is in the state of consciousness that can be achieved through these activities and exploration of the pleasure, intensity, transformation, deep peace, trust, intimacy and plain old fun these states can evoke.

Traditional, penetrative sex could in fact hinder the person attempting to access these particular mind /body states of being because it releases different chemicals in the body, guides the mind down a different route to a different destination and if ejaculation is involved, can cut short the powerful journey created by all the other activities. For many people, cumming breaks the spell of subspace /top space.

BDSMers, fetishists and power exchange players (here on shortened to the umbrella term “kinksters”) have traditionally faced a lot of prejudice and misunderstanding throughout history. When outsiders come along, they frequently think we are sick and misunderstand what it is we are trying to achieve with these seemingly perverted and extreme activities. On the other extreme outsiders become fascinated and want to join in. Initially they assume it is all about traditional sex and “horniness” and have never in considered the other possible reasons for engaging in these activities. This can be a source of frustration to kinksters because these new comers are often pulling in a different direction to us and making all sorts of false assumptions about what is on offer.

As a pro Domme I am flooded with enquiries that misunderstand the intent of what I am offering and assume that it is all about “kinky sex”. It would be easy for me to become frustrated and put those people down for “not getting it” but really, what is actually wrong with enjoying, actively exploring and delighting in “kinky sex”? I sure like it! It’s just another option on the menu for me to explore, savour and revel in. Some folk that initially come to me for Kinky sex, end up exploring other states they didn’t know existed and therefore could never have asked for. Others remain delighted to explore all the kinds of forbidden sex they have never had an opportunity to experience with anyone else.

I believe that a lot of the tension between those into kinky sex and those into exploring subspace/topspace for its own sake, is based on constant misunderstanding of the intent of what one is trying to achieve. The reason people engage in kinky sex is different to the reason that kinksters engage in BDSM for its own sake. If you use certain tools or activities and have certain intents, you get one kind of mind/body result. If you use another set of tools, activities and intents, you get a different mind/body result. One is not inherently more valuable or “better” than the other. Both are different options and both are valid in their own right. Not just valid, but deeply pleasurable and rich sources of ecstatic living.

It is not useful when exploring a sex positive, femme-empowered place to assume that all sex workers are victims that don’t enjoy what they do and are inherently degraded because they have sex for money with clients. Sex work may not be something that you could or should do but that does not mean all of us are wired the same as you. No doubt there are as many opinions on this topic are there are people so I shall just stick to my perspective.

I do many different things. I am a pro Domme who guides people into a variety of different states of consciousness in body and mind. Some are overtly erotic and others ecstatic… still others are a deep quieting of the mind… others intense adrenalin pumping highs… or about transformation and self discovery… some about submission… some about “getting off”… because guess what! “Getting off” is FUN! This idea that getting off is not as noble a goal as the others is based in an assumption that pleasure and play for delights sake is somehow wrong, less valuable than “serious” intents and adds to the cycle of sex-shame our culture has nursed for millennia.

I’ve had enough shame about sex drilled into me from an uber religious upbringing, anti sex feminists, cultural fear of sexually powerful women and dominant ideas about how sex work is inherently degrading to women. Indeed how sex itself is inherently degrading to women and just the act of engaging in sex means the woman is being submissive. After all, only men want sex right? Women like it when they are in the “honeymoon” period of a romantic relationship but that wears off right? Then women use it to “get stuff” like a nice house, their way in an argument or a new perfume… The worst of these are sex workers who clearly only do it to get money… it is just assumed that men want sex more than women do and to “give it to him” is about his pleasure, not hers. Especially if it is particularly dirty sex. Oh and then there are the positions women naturally get in for sex… Unless she is on top, those positions are inherently submissive right?

I can’t speak for other women but when I close my eyes and search deep into my body and mind, strip back cultural expectations, assumptions and politics to search my authentic being for answers, I find that I feel very powerful when engaging in sex of all kinds. I love what I do. I love being a sex worker, a teacher of the erotic arts who guides people into deeper relationships with their shame-free ability to experience limitless erotic pleasure… I also love my work as a pro Domme who facilitates journeys into submission and other kinky altered states. I also really love having good old fashioned sexy fun with open minded, respectful clients. Fun for fun’s sake rocks my boat too. I do not value one path over the other.

The key is to be very clear about what it is that each client is trying to achieve and what I want to achieve with each client. I choose the tools, activities and intents together with the client in order to best achieve the desired outcome based on their particular wiring and our combined dynamic. I do not engage in activities I do not want to. If I feel inside myself and it feels wrong, I don’t do it. If a client is not respectful, I do not offer them a session. I do not accept every client that asks me for a session. I ensure that we are matched first. Otherwise I recommend another professional who they may be more suited to skills, goals and personality-wise.

Working this way has lead me to develop some intense and mutually beneficial professional relationships with clients that have opened and changed us both. I cannot tell you how incredibly delicious it is to be part of someone’s erotic and/or BDSM journey. That moment when someone slips into a new state of being that rises from deep within their authenticity through a session I have created for them… OH. MY. GODDESS! I cannot imagine a more rewarding way to spend my time on this planet. (Of course as part of my “work” I constantly explore my own ability for erotic and ecstatic pleasure… oh poor me! Such a victim!)

As a professional, I am not replacing the intimacy of a romantic relationship. That is not my role. My role is to explore, teach and facilitate certain experiences utalising my highly trained skillset. The result is different to that of the kinds of play I engage in with a romantic partner and for me, one is not a threat to the other. For me, engaging in sex outside of fluid bonded, romantic, intimacy does not take from the sex in my romantic relationships at all. In fact, it really adds to it because having a career and spiritual path dedicated to erotic exploration means I constantly feed the fires of my eroticism and do not suffer from “bed death” after the honeymoon period has finished. The way I engage in sex work is not damaging or degrading to me or my personal relationships.

To summerise: Whether our goal is to explore sub/top space or other states of consciousness for its own sake, to revel in the pleasure of kinky sex, to explore transformation, dirty horny deliciousness , intensity, submission or spiritual connection it’s all valid. We just need to be clear about our intent and use the right tools to achieve our goal. Not every professional wants to explore all these different modes. Many specialise in the none sexual sessions and that is fine. Each person has to do what is right for them and honor the way they are wired. This does not mean that someone who is a pro Domme and a kinky sex worker is not a “real” Domme. Putting one form of exploration on a pedastool over another is just another form of prejudice. Instead I invite us to value all the paths possible and consciously choose which person is right to explore our unique wiring with based on compatibility of intent, skill level and repoire. There is no such things as a “real” Domme. It is just a matter of whether or not the professional you seek understands and can cater to your particular aims for a session. Every kind of Domme is perfect for someone.

Who Cares About Men’s Rights?
June 10, 2011, 2:09 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

Great blog entry over here: Who Cares About Men’s Rights? 

May 19, 2011, 1:29 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

I found this thanks to Beautiful Agony’s blog.

“Written/Produced by Bette Bentley. Directed by Vincent Peone and Bette Bentley. Piss is a short film about a girl trying to convince her feminist boyfriend to pee on her. Official selection of the Miami Short Film Festival and Austin Gay and Lesbian Film Festival and Cinekink Film Festival.”

I found this really adorable, funny, realisitic and I very much related to the scenario. As someone who gets sexual kicks out of the idea of being degraded, I have often wanted to explore this. However, it hasn’t always been easy for previous boyfriends who are taught that good, feminist men don’t degrade women.

And you know what? Good, feminist men don’t degrade women. However, if their partner asks them to “degrade” them in a playful, sexual, consensual context that is an entirely different ballgame. The reason I put that “degrade” in quotes this time is because when you’re consensually degrading someone… what you’re really doing is gifting them with something very special: sexual pleasure and self acceptance.

I believe that to acknowledge and accept a woman’s sexual desires instead of pathologizing them is a hugely feminist act. It allows her a much greater deal of comfort and understanding of her own sexuality and in a world that denies women the right to sexual autonomy, isn’t that ultimately a positive thing?

The Pervocracy: On Eating Our Own
April 13, 2011, 12:18 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

Once again, The Pervocracy, a much more prolific blogger than I, says what I’ve been thinking in a far more articulate manner.

On Eating Our Own.

“Here’s something I’m still conflicted about: finding a statement that is basically feminist, basically accepting, but has some flaws, and tearing it to fucking shreds.


If someone is 98% on your side, you know what? Cut them some slack. Otherwise you might have to actually deal with the people who aren’t on your side at all. They’re a whole lot meaner.”

I’m very much inclined to agree. I’m all for civilised debate, it’s really important, but it seems like the feminist world is full to the brim of people who will get absolutely hysterical at someone simply for using the wrong word or saying something in the wrong way. I’m forever stumbling across feminist bloggers, for instance, who love ripping right into Dan Savage and speaking about him as if he is pure evil. While I agree that he says some pretty damn stupid things sometimes… he also does and says some really great things. So why are we wasting so much time and energy on him and not, I don’t know, the Catholic fucking Church and people who want us dead?

I mean, yeah it’s good to call people out on the stupid things they say, that’s how people learn, that’s how dialogue gets more sophisticated. However, you don’t need to instantly relegate someone to enemy just because you aren’t in 100% agreement with them. The world is not so black and white and us verses them attitudes are dangerous, counter-productive and just plain childish.

It’s the in-fighting that bothers me so much. The bloggers who spend all their time picking apart the arguments made by other bloggers who are essentially on their side, the feminist, “I’m more right, moral and inclusive than you!” screaming matches. I’ve had friends tell me it puts them off the feminist world and frankly, sometimes it alienates me too.

I’ll probably always be feminist… but I wish there was just a little more respect and camaraderie because frankly, sometimes it feels like you have to walk a fucking gauntlet before being let into the club and even then, there are booby traps around every corner.

Yes you probably have a point with whatever argument you’re making and that is not the problem, it’s simply the respect and remembering that we can’t get it 100% right 100% of the time. We’re all on different paths, all looking at things from our own unique perspective with our own unique background. If someone’s doing their best to be a good, decent person then when they fuck up from time to time, give them a bloody break because at some point, you’re going to fuck up too.

Fishnets, fashion and dickwads.
January 3, 2011, 12:30 am
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

So I really like clothes but I have no fashion sense whatsoever, nor the money to invest in fancy things. Subsequently, I shop at op shops a lot and have a dress style that would perhaps be kindly described as “eclectic”. From time to time, I’ve apparently offended people with my horrifying disregard for the fact that certain colours, styles and patterns just shouldn’t go together.

So tonight I was wearing a pair of fishnet stockings that I got for $1 at the supermarket, along with a short skirt and corporate jacket I got from a second-hand shop. I was heading to an Indian restaurant with my boyfriend and stopped to kiss him when some douche bags drove by in a convertible and yelled “She’s a whore, she’s gonna cheat on you bro!” (in response to which my boyfriend called out “It’s ok! We’re polyamorous!” Ha!)

Now, maybe it had nothing to do with the way I was dressed tonight, maybe these were just general misogynistic dickwads, showing off to each other because their egos needed that validation.

But suddenly I was self conscious about an outfit I’d put on without thinking. There was once a time when I’d have worried about wearing fishnet stockings and a skirt, for fear of being viewed as “trashy” or “slutty” but nowadays, my general attitude towards clothes is “Fuck everyone, I’ll wear whatever I want to wear” to the point where I don’t often really think about what I’m wearing.

Still, for a moment I felt self conscious and insecure, just because some idiots said something stupid. I am feeling totally fine now, but it never fails to surprise me how easily my self image can be shaken by others.

Shaken, but ultimately strengthened. Fuck everyone, fuck arbitrary rules about how women should dress, I’ll wear whatever I bloody well want to wear. Now hand me my motherfucking tapestry cat vest and my golden leggings, I’ve got some being awesome to do!


I will probably regret posting this.
December 10, 2010, 11:29 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , ,

I’m going to post this blog entry without proofreading and editing it like I usually would because I feel like if I don’t post it now, I’ll lose my nerve. Yep.

Just a warning, this is going to be a post about rape. This is a hard topic to write about and is going to reveal some messed up shit from my head that I’ve always been too embarrassed to write about. To cut to the point, I’ve never been raped but for several years of my teenage life, from about 15 to 20 years old, I was convinced that I would be.

(Um, I’d just like to say something at this juncture… I am not trying to minimise what’s happened to actual victims of rape. These people have been through far worse than I have, obviously. I simply want to process my own experiences, I know they’ve mostly been in my fucked up head but I feel like I’ve never really dealt with them before and, well, isn’t this what the internet is for?)

No, rape wasn’t a looming threat for most of the time, though when I was 15 I did have an online “friend” who I met in real life threatening me in ways that were really pretty scary for me at the time. I also learned that some of my friends had been raped. Um, one friend by another friend and… I had set them up with each other. I thought they’d make a cute couple. I had no idea he would do such a thing and I felt absolutely fucking sick to my stomach. And responsible. Later, I learned about other male friends who had raped women. I started losing my trust in men.

It kind of fucked with my head a whole lot. I made art about it (including a big painting “The Victim is Punished” which is incredibly graphic and naively done but has a whole lot of my raw, messy teenage emotions about the subject in it – you can see it here but don’t say I didn’t warn you I guess?) and when women saw the art, more and more of them came out to me about their horrible experiences. They opened up to me and told me all about what happened to them. People have always opened up to me about stuff. I’m a good listener, empathetic (too empathetic, I think) and they tell me all the details. I also have an incredibly visual imagination, when people speak to me, I get images of what they are saying in my head. That was a lot to take in.

So anyway, obviously I was pretty messed up as a teenager. Unaddressed mental health issues and whatnot. I had some pretty bad issues going on in my head anyway and here I was, getting this horrific insight into rape that I guess I didn’t know how to process it and had no one to talk to about it. I even learned about the past lives of various family members. And I learned the statistics. And I just didn’t know how to deal.

And… yeah. I just became convinced I would be raped someday. It felt inevitable. Statistically likely. It got to the point where whenever I heard any discussions on rape, I got sort of crazy and hysterical. To be honest, sometimes still when rape is discussed, I still get this helpless, sick feeling, I get shaky and break into tears. Or I get angry and crazy. Gah.

Fuck. This is really hard to write about. First time I’ve ever cried while blogging. I feel like an idiot saying all this and I’m so worried that people will think I’m pathetic but… wow. I don’t know. I’m usually pretty good at analysing my emotions and all that but this just feels really messy and embarrassing. Ack. I really don’t want to come across as melodramatic and crazy but probably will. I know victims of rape have had experiences worse than I can even understand. It’s why I’ve never talked about this before because I feel like an absolute fucking idiot.

Still, I feel like rape has affected my life too so I guess it’s valid for me to talk about? I don’t know. Bleh.

Blogging Flogging
December 3, 2010, 1:54 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , , ,

One Sunday a few weeks back, I went with some friends to a kinky fetish night. Admittedly, this is only the third time I’ve ventured to a BDSM event but every time my experiences and observations have been positive.

I want to share some of my thoughts in no particular order. Please keep in mind I am relatively inexperienced and if I say some really stupid shit, you’re welcome to contest my points.

Random thoughts in no particular order.

– In my small amount of experience, BDSM clubs are not like people seem to imagine. Yes there are people being flogged, suspended, having needles put into their skin and crawling around on the ground and yes the scenes sometimes seem kind of intense. However, mostly the atmosphere feels very relaxed and most people are just standing around, watching, talking, drinking, joking… basically just socialising.

– At these events, I’ve actually felt far more comfortable and relaxed than at any bar or nightclub I’ve been to. There are a lot of rules around consent and respect, so I get the sense that were I approached by an interested party, I’d feel quite empowered to say “no” and have that respected.

– In everyday life, I do not tend to feel very sexually attractive. I haven’t the time/money/inclination to put a lot of effort into giving myself the lean gym bunny body so many people seem obsessed with. I am short and I dress sort of weirdly in the cheap, not quite right clothes I get at op shops. In other words, I don’t quite fit into what are current mainstream ideals of sexy. At best, people usually tell me I’m “cute” which makes me cringe and die a little inside (Seriously, I even made art about it! This film from this body of work.)

However, at the BDSM spaces I’ve been in, you get to see a much wider range of body types, ages, identities etc in a sexual context. When I see so many of these people strutting about feeling and looking sexy, owning their bodies proudly, I too feel sexy and empowered. This is a world somewhat removed from so much that is disheartening to me about mainstream society. Sexy isn’t just such a narrow, unobtainable, physical thing – it’s something that’s much more of an attitude.

And in these spaces I think “Damn, I am SMOKIN’!”

Also… I got flogged!

I watched a friend, Erin, who has been involved in BDSM for a long time flogging someone else and I was so impressed by the look of intense concentration on his face something akin to the look a cat gets when preparing to pounce, or my partner sometimes gets in the bedroom. Intense, focused concentration. Very hot.

I’ve always liked the way Erin talks about BDSM, often emphasizing the importance of safety, responsibly and communication. I find that incredibly admirable and I realised he would be the perfect person to ask to try being flogged for the very first time. See, though I consider myself very much into BDSM as a mindset and love being submissive in the bedroom, I’ve not done a lot of the “standard” stuff.

So I spent a little time psyching myself up to ask Erin. When I finally did approach him, I said something along the lines of “I don’t know if I can ask you this but…um…” and I swear the cheeky bugger had a twinkle in his eye when he grinned and said “Yes? I’m going to make you say it!”

Very soon after, I was handcuffed to a St. Andrew’s Cross (Erin could have tied me up, he’s awesome with rope but I think we decided against that simply for the time it would take) and he tried out a couple of different floggers on me. It was at this point that I realised I may be a bit more of a pain slut then I realised. I was not feeling especially submissive that night, perhaps because of the public setting… rather I was excited to see what my body could take and had adrenaline and endorphins pumping. So the pain was exciting and, well, fun!

I didn’t last for very long, as I am new to this. When it was starting to get more intense (intense for me, other people were probably snickering!) though I felt I could go on a little longer, Erin decided that was a good time to stop which in retrospect, I agree was a good and responsible idea. Afterwards, I was shaky but elated, I had this similar feeling to after I’ve been out dancing. I was full of happy chemicals, I’m sure, but I also felt this sense of excitement about what I can put my body through.

When I mentioned I was shaky, Erin asked his boy “Where’s that thing for people who get shaky?” and started rummaging about in his toy bag until he produced a muesli bar! Ahhh! A muesli bar! How freakin’ adorable is that? I politely declined as I had just had a cupcake offered to me by someone who was celebrating their birthday. Yes, cupcakes in a BDSM club. With coloured icing and sprinkles.

I think a lot of people are baffled and upset by BDSM either because it’s not their thing or because it IS their thing and that scares them. Perhaps because they are unable to separate real, non-consensual violence from what essentially strikes me as fantasy, role playing and even a sort of sport. But really, coming into this world so far has been a very positive thing for me. I know there are lots of criticisms within the BDSM world about various aspects of it and I’m sure they’re not all wrong. However, there is so much about it that I’m finding to be far more welcoming and wonderful for me than the “vanilla” world has been. Perhaps because I’m entering this world with a lot less baggage and a lot more feminism than when I first became sexually active… but yeah, it’s exciting.

Oh and I still had marks on my back, several days later. When a workmate asked me about them, apparently I instantly broke into a huge grin because she knew right away what I’d been up to. What can I say? I was really fucking happy.

Camera Whore – A Prelude
November 29, 2010, 10:58 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , ,

About a month back, my partner was away for the night with the lovely R and I was home alone. Though I’m relatively regular in my masturbatory habits, this was the first time in quite a while that I had the house to myself for the entire night and, uh, I wanked for about four hours straight. Towards the end of it, I was incredibly dizzy and my head was pounding. I was sure that if I came again, I might just pass out but I just had to have one… last… orgasm.

So it was 3AM, my room was a mess, my bed was covered in junk and… I squirted all over it. Though I’ve squirted many times before, this time I felt compelled to document the evidence so I grabbed my camera.

I then photographed myself in my dishevelled but still entirely dressed state (by myself, I often masturbate clothed but for my underwear). While doing this, I rediscovered an intimate feeling I’ve not had with the camera for a couple of years as my image making aesthetic has moved towards the more staged and dramatic.

For me, looking at a photo of myself is a world apart from looking at myself in the mirror. In the mirror, I am looking at me. In a photo, I am seeing me as somebody else. This can be confronting and distressing but sometimes it is refreshing, revealing and even erotic.

I wasn’t originally going to post the two photos in this blog entry because they felt a little too intimate, maybe even a bit “gross” for some of my friends to see my wet patch and bedroom hair! But for me there is a common thing which I enjoy in making my art, my porn in my blogging… that is pushing my own boundaries and challenging myself to be as honest as I possibly can. That can actually be really hard and it means putting a lot of stupid crap out there, but I try really hard not to censor myself because I really don’t believe in bottling shit up.

Anyway, all this rambling is actually just a prelude to a bigger blog entry I’m planning about my relationship to the camera and the gaze. That one’s been fermenting in my brain for a few years now, so here’s my official promise to attempt to get it into words as soon as I can.

Making Sex Work – Feminism vs. The Sex Industry
October 12, 2010, 12:32 pm
Filed under: Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , ,

I just came across this awesome video while reading Serpent Libertine’s blog. It’s a message to anti-porn, anti-sex work feminists and it basically expresses my own thoughts on the issue in a far more succinct and articulate manner than I am capable of. I’d love for people to check it out and spread the word.

There seems to be an overwhelming upsurge of militant feminists who are very much against sex work to the point where they want it abolished. I don’t own the term “feminist”, I can’t say they’re not feminist… but I could like to suggest that they’re bad feminists. Bad feminists, down! I said DOWN! BAD! No schmackos for you! Uh, anyway, as one of the women in the video put it, and I’m sorry if I misquote her:

“This is my body, this is the only thing I alone am ever going to truly own and I should be able to use my body as I see fit, regardless of whether you or anyone else sees it as morally or ethically wrong. The right to choose what happens to one’s body and the right to control what happens to one’s body is a fundamental right that I and others are extremely passionate about. The moment we say ‘no you can’t do this with your body’ is the moment we step foot on a slippery slope that ends up with people – not just women, men included – being denied their most basic right, the right to body autonomy.”

Yes! Fucking… yes!

Edit: If you’re interested, there’s also a follow up video dealing with some of the arguments people have made about the topic. It’s pretty great, I’m in love with the awesome lady who does these.

Babblin bout boobs
October 10, 2010, 6:09 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Sex | Tags: , , ,

These blog entries by Cuntlove’s Olga Wolstenholme, Cleavage at the Work Place and My Cleavage Strikes Again struck a chord with me. I myself lean towards the larger end of the spectrum, boob-wise and at times have been told that my boobs looked too big, that I was revealing too much.

…Too big? Too much? But they’re just BOOBS. You don’t tell somebody their feet are too big and that they’re showing too much toe, damnit! Well, you might say that but it would make you a complete jerk.

But for some reason, boobs are fair game. Not only can friends and family tell a woman that she should be hiding and ashamed of her own body, but it’s completely sanctioned in the workplace. As Olga put it:

“Sexual harassment laws were put into effects to protect people from unwelcomed leers and jeers and whatnot, but from what I understand they extend to protecting people from unwanted sexually charged environments. Well, when someone brings attention to my breasts by commenting on what I wear, even if it’s to tell me I’m showing too much cleavage, it creates a sexually charged atmosphere that I am uncomfortable with.”

I think she makes a point. After all, at least in Western society, we have an extreme obsession with breasts that makes them sexual and obscene even when a woman dares to breastfeed in public. My feeling is that while boobs can be sexual, most of the time (for me) they simply are there. So for someone to comment on them, even simply to say that they’re too exposed is to impose a sexual context onto my boobs when they and I were running in neutral.

Anyway, after waffling on about how we’re too obsessed with breasts, I drew a picture that kinda reveals my own obsession with them, eh heh! ‘Cos, you know, objectively speaking, boobs are still pretty great!


Sharing is sexy – round two
September 25, 2010, 1:43 pm
Filed under: Art, Feminism, Porn, Sex | Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Gorgeousness from just a perfect day.

How To Respect Sex Workers from Ms. Magazine. This is SUCH a great little article! Interesting comments, too.

Sympathy for the Anti-Porn Feminists by sex positive activist, Clarisse Thorn. It’s a great article and I highly recommend reading it in its entirety. However, here are some bits that stood out for me:

“So how can I have sympathy for anti-porn feminists? Only because I remember how I felt just a few years ago. I remember that I felt so confused about my own sexuality; I remember how resentful I felt, that sex seemed so easy for men — that the world seemed to facilitate their sex drives so thoroughly, particularly by providing all this porn!”


“Anti-porn activists rely on the societal belief that men’s sexuality is hard to control, scaring us into believing that allowing porn will enable uncontrollable men.”

Teenagers and Pornography – Looking at porn doesn’t have to be a dirty secret by David Heslin. I’ve meant to share this article with y’all for awhile now and the other day I actually met the guy who wrote it, turns out he’s been dating a dear friend of mine! Small world etc etc. I digress, this is an interesting article with some novel ideas:

“Society must, at some stage, accept that not only is there a widespread demand for pornography, but that it also has the potential, in the process of adhering to certain values, to aid healthy adolescent sexual development. It may seem ludicrous to envision government-funded pornography, but there is no reason why such an enlightened initiative would not be theoretically feasible. Through broadcasters such as the ABC, the government already gives funding to comedy, entertainment, current affairs programs and sport; the only reason, it seems, that pornography could not join those ranks is its general lack of perceived legitimacy.”

Senior Citizens and BDSM, a nifty article by Rabbit Write:

“One thing that may benefit older people getting into the BDSM community is that often experience is valued — age can be hot. “I have a number of the younger ones ask me if they could play with me,” Peaches says. “Sometimes you get respect because you’re older and sometimes you get respect because you deserve it.””

What’s it LIKE to be in a D/s relationship? By a very awesome friend of mine. So, what’s it like?

“It’s… secure. It’s very secure. You know where things are. You know the rules, not because they’re built by society and trained into you by magazines and schoolyard gossip, but because you’ve talked about it and figured it out together.”

One in four lap dancers has a degree on the BBC News website. I watched this short little clip and I like how articulate the woman speaking is:

“I think part of the stigma is because there’s a lot of misinformation, a lot of myth about the adult entertainment industry. One of the exciting things about this report is that it’s been ethically carried out and it’s actually asking the women what they feel about their job and why they do their job and one of the most striking things is job satisfaction and of course, the money (…)”

Do women really want male lap dancers? by Ellen Levenson. Mostly, I found the article pretty “meh” but I wanted to link to it just for this one quote that tickled me:

“I do take umbrage at a man, even a psycho-sexual therapist, telling me that he knows what women want. The long-standing theory, that women aren’t turned on visually, feels like something men may have made up to make themselves feel better, telling each other in secret exchanges in changing rooms or masonic temples: “Yes, I’m ugly, smelly and have a small penis but she loves me because I make her laugh and know how to unblock the sink.” “Get a grip,” I want to say. “What we really want is a big, hard …” Alas, this is probably only true when it comes attached to someone who can make us laugh and unblock the sink.”

Cleavage at the Work Place at the awesome Cuntlove blog. I actually intend to expand upon this with some of my own thoughts and experiences at some point, because as a big(ish) boobed women I entirely relate:

“A small chested woman will never be  told that her shirt is too tight or that she shouldn’t wear v-necks or whatever, but I somehow manage to look slutty wearing a t-shirt for crying out loud. It just, well, to be honest, when I was told that I was a good-looking woman, but that my cleavage shouldn’t be so exposed or that it was inappropriate, I felt embarrassed as all hell and suddenly aware of being female and that that was somehow bad.”

And finally, my absolute favourite of the batch…

The It Gets Better Project
, for LGBT teenagers, started by the awesome Dan Savage who I am kind of sort of a huge fan of. Apparently, 9 out of 10 gay teenagers experience bullying and harassment at school, and gay teens are 4 times as more likely to attempt suicide. A lot of these teens live in rural areas where they have no access to LGBT support groups etc. This project basically aims to get the important message out to LGBT teens that it gets better. You can read more about it here, LGBT folks can contribute, and you absolutely have to watch the video below, it is incredibly touching, lovely and almost brought tears to my eyes because I’m a big sooky crybaby.

Speaking Up
September 12, 2010, 10:11 pm
Filed under: Feminism | Tags: , , ,

Just a few days ago, I was in a taxi being driven from an airport in Cairns. The driver and I were having a friendly chat about Cairns, when he mentioned the fact that a female German backpacker was recently assaulted in town. Apparently, she was followed out of a bar and down the road, where she was attacked.

The driver went on to comment about how stupid this woman was, and what did she expect walking home by herself? Well I figure she sure as hell wasn’t expecting to be assaulted in a beautiful Australian town; and just because she perhaps let her guard down, that doesn’t mean she should be judged. It always disturbs me that people will go on about how stupid women are for getting into this sort of situation – shouldn’t we be judging the perpetrators? Why do people always go on about what the woman should have done? About the way the woman should have dressed? Why aren’t we talking about how horrible the people who did this are?

Or, right, because we live in a misogynistic, patriarchal world where victim blaming is the norm. Sigh. It’s something that seems to have been around forever and isn’t going away any time soon. One can feel powerless against it… speechless.

But today I spoke up. I said to the taxi driver “Well, we all do stupid things sometimes but does that mean we should be attacked for it?” That wasn’t much to say, I kept an even tone to my voice and did not reveal the depths of my anger and frustration simply because I didn’t feel it would be a constructive method of changing his viewpoint.

The taxi driver fell silent and I’ll never know if my short little question will make any difference whatsoever, probably not, but I felt proud of myself for speaking up nevertheless. It can be tempting not to comment on these things, one doesn’t want to be a stick in the mud, but I felt so good to have done so and intend to continue to speak up when I get a chance in the future.  Not to preach, but to help put another viewpoint out there.